Decisions
Today was... frustrating.
Over the course of the past four months, it seems as though I now have a different job than what I had six months ago. However, this isn't the result of anything that actually changed for me. This is all the result of positive things that happened to other people, like my coworkers getting promotions and a new hire joining our department. During all of the shuffle and confusion, it seems that no one noticed that I was trampled underfoot. Well, no one other than me, I should say.
I know that these things sometimes happen without intention. Today I had the opportunity to speak my mind on the issue, and I did so quite frankly, and I appreciate that the managers of my department took the time out of their day to listen to my concerns.
However, for me to be told that nothing can change, and that I need to find a way to make the current situation work, is not ok. I understand that my managers might not have a choice in telling me this, that this may be the best they can do for me right now, but unfortunately that answer is not ok for me.
So, that leaves the obvious question: "what should I next?" At first it didn't feel like I had alot of choices available to me. I'm not a fan of job hopping, and if I had to be honset, I really had envisioned myself building a career at this company. I could forsee myself planting roots and I had a pretty good feeling about the direction I wanted to go. The idea of going from that to peddling my resume around again isn't very unappealing. This is probably because I have never really had a "corporate mindset," and over the past few months I have become more and more skeptical that this is really what I should be doing my life. I mean, sure, I enjoy Data Entry - but is this really something I can do forever?
Today, I was given a very clear answer to that question. Apparently, by either my own choice or someone else's, the answer is no.
So, after careful thought, I have decided to start saving my money. I always say I'm going to do that, but this time I mean it - because when I finally do finish my book, I will get an agent. And when I get an agent, I will get published. And once I am published I should have a reasonable idea of whether or not I will be able to embark on my new career: being a full time writer. I feel pretty confident that I can do it - I just happen to have a long, grueling road ahead of me.
I will use my experience today as motivation to push myself forward. I am more valuable than to simply be told that I "must find a way" to make a miserable situation work, and I will prove it.
It's time to pull up Open Office and put my money where my mouth is... quite literally.