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April 8th, 2008 | Filed Under:
Daily Life,
Lengthy |
4 Comments
I just wrote an entirely too long spiel about what happened in the months of January, February, and March. I had a burning desire to document it but now I can't post it in it’s current format; it contains too many details about things I shouldn’t have been specific about. So, here is the cliff notes version:
In mid January I felt I was unfairly targeted and scrutinized at work by some of my coworkers who apparently did not want me to be employed there any longer. I could waste my time trying to speculate their motives but ultimately I will never really know why it happened or what I did to provoke it. I never thought I would find myself in that position, as if being unjustly held back was something that only happened in movies where the story is supposed to make you feel empowered when the main character beats the odds, but there I was: feeling as though my resignation was being strongly encouraged because I suppose firing me would mean they’d have to pay me unemployment. I felt blindsided, betrayed, and helpless.
After my job security was initially threatened, I dealt with my frustration the best that I could, and I spent the next month trying to do everything they said they needed from me in order to "prove" that I wanted to be there. Along the way I saw an opportunity to transfer to another department for an entry-level position in database maintenance, which is a career I’m really longing to break into, so I jumped at the chance and officially applied for the job at the beginning of February. After about a week of unproductive e-mail tag I was informed that not only was my transfer request denied but that my supervisor felt that she saw no improvement in my work performance despite the effort I had made for the past month.
I was at a loss of what to do; nothing I did seemed to be good enough and I could feel the stress of the situation reaching a point where I started become concerned about my IBS. Despite how erratic the past year has been I have somehow managed to keep my health under control and the last thing I could afford was for my body to give out on me while I was thisclose to losing my job. After talking about it with my boyfriend, we came to the mutual decision that I should quit. In fact, he insisted upon me doing it; he assured he could afford to support us both while I looked for another job, and while I was uneasy putting this responsibility on him, he was ultimately right: if my current job was putting me in a hopeless position then there was no reason for me to stay. He was offering me the opportunity to find a job that I
liked rather than just one I
needed and it was impossible to say no.
So, on February 12th, I put in my resignation and chose February 15th to be my last day. I felt a little bit shady for not giving a full 2 weeks notice, but my parents were arriving on February 16th and I already had approved PTO for the following Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday to spend with them. I wasn’t about to work while they were here or prolong my time at the company in order to fit some standard of respect that I didn’t feel my supervisor and certain coworkers deserved. Respect is a two way street and I think I did my part in returning what I had received for the past few months.
The weeks of unemployment that followed were difficult for me in a saddening familiar way. I probably picked the worst possible time to resign, as each day there seemed to be a news article about a major company in Phoenix laying off X amount of employees. I was applying to 1-5 jobs a day but I only ever received one call back, and that one call resulted in one interview for a position that I ultimately was not chosen for. I was starting to feel pretty sorry for myself, much like I did back in 2003 and 2005, and my thoughts lingered on dark subjects. It was like my father was living in my head, only it was my own voice instead, berating me constantly for worthless I was. I saw my remaining funds dwindling away and I was dreading the day I’d have to turn to my boyfriend and ask for money so I could pay my bills.
Then, on March 14th, I got an e-mail about a job from someone that managed to find my resume on monster.com. I looked up the business location and it was only 5 minutes away from home without needing to get on a single freeway - something that is almost unheard of here in Phoenix. It turned out to be in a business park I had passed thousands of times before but had never given that much thought to, probably because it is only too depressing to see that many businesses just sitting there, so close to home, yet feeling as though I’d never have the opportunity to work anywhere else than an hour commute away in central Phoenix.
I guess I was wrong.
I contacted them around 10AM and had an interview scheduled for 2PM. By 3PM it was over and I was home, and by 4:30PM I was hired and starting Monday. I called my boyfriend and my parents while I jumped around the house like an friggin idiot, hardly able to contain the burst of energy I was high on. I was ecstatic to finally be employed again at what seemed like a forward-thinking company, within my salary goals, and in a great location. AND I CAN WEAR JEANS TO WORK! There are no words to describe how good it feels to know that, at least for the foreseeable future, there is no reason why polyester should be rubbing between my thighs.
My first day was March 17th and so far it’s been great. However, this is a completely new field and I feel a bit underwater on the learning curve. I’ve tried to use my mad google skills to see if there are any online resources I can tap into to help me be not such a noob, but what I’ve found and what keep hearing is that this is one of the most undocumented industries out there. Isn't that just peachy? For what my job is I’ve managed to catch on pretty quick, but I know I would be doing better if I knew WHY I was doing something and not just the HOW. Overall there are slumps and rushes in my work load, and it is due to these slumps that I’ve found time to not only write more but also work on a new layout.
… And now that I’ve actually admitted I’m using my spare time for writing, effectively jinxing myself, I wonder how long it’ll be until I post again…
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