My name is Chrisy and I'm a 25 year old born-and-raised Virginian surviving in Phoenix, Arizona since August 2006. I have been a self proclaimed nerd for the past decade, wasting away the majority of my youth in front of a computer. If I'm not playing World of Warcraft then I'm watching movies, playing the Wii, or obsessing over my 2 cats. I am currently employed as a Data Entry Specialist for a payment service company with the goal one day becoming a Database Administrator.

I have been leaving footprints on the internet since the winter of 1997. In it's early stages, during my late teens, my relationship with this website was an unhealthy obsession that I couldn't live without. As an adult it has been an agonizing struggle not to neglect this patch of the world wide web. This site generates so little traffic that it has become something I do for my own entertainment, so the fact that someone is actually reading this would be surprising.

If I had to pinpoint the moment that I knew it was finally over between us I think it would have been the first time I realized that I missed Matt, as though he were a thousand miles away, even though he was sitting on the other end of the couch. For the first time I was thankful that I had had that feeling before - the morbid realization that the person I care for now only exists in my mind - because it reminded me of just how much I didn’t want to go through that a second time.

The damage had already been done months ago, back when Matt first confessed he didn’t love me like he used to, and at the time my response was to cling to him tighter until I was ready to deal with what that meant for me. It took a few months to get around to it, but when I finally had the time to define how I felt about our relationship I realized that I was tired of settling for the unhappiness I was living with. I’ll always appreciate that Matt continued to try to make it work between him and I, almost entirely for my sake alone… but feeling pity for someone’s situation isn’t the right reason to stay with them. Our 5 year relationship was dead long before I was ready to accept that it was and no matter how many excuses to continue that I had, the “if he doesn’t propose to me by then” ultimatums I made, was going to change what needed to be done in order for me to stop standing in place and start moving forward in my life again. I knew it would be a difficult situation to get out of, but I finally understood that it was no longer a choice of what I could do but more about finding the strength for what I had to.

On September 11th 2007, Matt and I officially ended our relationship over work e-mail. I was the one that initiated the conversation and Matt was glad that I was “being more accepting this time around.” Under any other circumstance that choice phrasing would have infuriated me; how dare he imply that I was somehow blind to the obvious these past few months, and gee, thanks for finally coming to my senses? But as I read and reread that sentence, as well as everything else we said to each other that day, I realized that it didn’t faze me at all. On that particular day I surprised even myself by how ready I was to hear it.

… After having spent longer than I ever have on any one entry for this website, that is all there is to say. The last year was difficult and disappointing and it will take some time before I can look past that and find some appreciation for the time I spent with Matt… but I couldn’t wait for that to happen before I wrote about it. I want to carry on with my life, I want to feel like I can move forward in my writing, and I wouldn’t of been able to do that if I tried to skip over what happened between Matt and I. This website is a documentation of my life, my place of confession; it would have been tarnishing all that this means to me to overlook a moment as important as this. 5 years is a long time to devote to a relationship and, in my opinion, the ending of it deserved to be acknowledged. So that's what I did.

And, as simple as that… I am finally through.

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