May 11th, 2005
And I thought I was too old for this
The past few weeks have been overflowing with frustration and depression. These 3 weeks have been filled with fights that lead to violent outbursts, thousands upon thousands of mood swings, and just a general irritability that seems to almost be radiating off of me. I’ve turned into who I was 5 years ago – I’ve reverted into a version of my father with the added bonus of occasional PMS – and I feel so lost when I try to think of how I’m supposed to calm myself down again to change back into a “normal” person. I’m also stuck in a hard place – if I try to detach myself from everything that I find myself getting frustrated at, then my analytical mind starts to slowly eat me alive. If I try to stay involved in my usual distractions then I just end up being irritable beyond belief. I’m acting like a combined version of all the people I’ve looked down on over the past few years, and it makes it really, really hard to deal with myself.
I cannot wait for Matt to be here. If he can stand being here. I need something calming, I need someone comforting, and above all, I need to get the hell out of this house and as far away from my computer as possible. Just for a little bit.