Sticking to one topic is just too hard
Another day basically wasted doing everything I shouldn't be. I told myself it was because the muscles near my right eye have been twitching alot lately (which, they honestly have... along my right temple, sort of feeling like a cold, throbbing sting) but then I find myself willingly messing around with mind-numbing web page code. I'll really need to step it up next week and get myself caught up in my classes, or I'll have to do it all at the last minute when I get back from AZ. It is just *so* hard to focus on my book text, then back at the screen computer screen, then at a diagram in the book, then back at the screen, then the book text again... all considering the vision in my right eye is still piss poor, that my right eye usually feels uncomfortable, and that if I happen to dart my eyes too quickly I run the risk of my eye crossing without my consent (yes, seriously, that does happen - though not to the point where they *look* crossed, but to where my vision is doubled from it).
But, that aside, today does mark the 2 year 5 month anniversary for Matt and I. Yay for us. It's also exactly 2 more weeks from today that I'll be in Arizona with him as well. Yay again for going to Phoenix, probably the most beautiful city I've ever been to, with it's 70-80ish degree fall weather and no humidity. Now if I can just get my fatass down to 130 pounds before going there, I'd be ecstatic. That's just a personal goal, though... I know that just kissing Matt will always turn him on on some level, no matter how much junk in my trunk that I have 
Geeze, I'm sorry... that last comment was solely for my own entertainment. Junk in my trunk, heh. It's a good thing Matt has liked my journey into ghetto fabulousness, or else I (wouldn't) be screwed. Heh... yet again, sorry. It's just been one of those days.
Michael IMed me this evening, and it has to be the first time I've spoken to him in... goodness, at least a year. Maybe the last time I heard from him was as far back as June 2003, which was also the last time I saw him. He asked me if I would come out to Cvill to his apartment and stay the night, and we could go somewhere and get drunk and have fun. I told him I wasn't much for going out and getting drunk, but he insisted, saying he was a "lush" and that we'd have fun. So, naturally, I then had to come across as lame as possible in order to be honest... and tell him I was serious about not feeling comfortable getting drunk in public places. He was silent for like 20 minutes, said "oh ok", and that he'd talk to me later then. I thanked him for inviting me and said goodbye.
Everytime I think of Michael I always feel regret for having lost touch with him during my senior year of high school. In some ways I still feel responsible for not making the effort to be a constant in his life... because as crappy as I was to him back in those days, I was still probably the best influence he had in his life. The one time I wasn't there to tell him drugs were shit was the one time it took for him to be bought and sold. But then again, maybe Michael never really wanted to be protected... and maybe I never really was a good enough person for that task anyway. Going by how many other people I knew who did drugs behind my back, I obviously must not have been.
But I digress... (so cliche to say, but not for me).
I've been thinking alot about the concept of having "friends only" entries for my online journal. And after mulling over the concept again and again, I can't seem to think of it as anything other than an oxymoron. Maybe it's just because I grew up baring as much of my soul as I knew how to share when there wasn't even the option to select your audience for it. Of course I have my times when I feel like I can't or shouldn't write something, either because I know someone reads this or because it is of a personal level that I don't think I'd ever feel comfortable sharing... but in those cases, I've grown to see it as something that is better off not being written anywhere. Or at least not anywhere that any eyes other than my own will ever see it. I've always seen having an online journal as taking a risk, like running naked through a crowded room... I wouldn't understand the point of doing it if while running through I tried to cover up my most sensitive parts. But that's how I am with everything... all or nothing. Most of the time, I usually give nothing... but when I do give, I try my best to make it something.
On a similar topic, I really need to start thinking of something to give Matt for his birthday (which comes up on the 14th). I can't remember ever giving him a present... I've basically been unemployed and poor for as long as I've known him, and outside of doing silly web page stuff I am seriously the most uncreative person I can think of at this moment. Hopefully with my mother being off work for the next week or so we'll be able to figure something out.
Oh, and btw... this is beyond frustrating (I'm Foonkah), this is so much like me it's disturbing, as is this, and people who use the words "gay", "ghey", or "ghay" as an adjective make me sick.
I've been meaning to post a senseless list of my favorite "emotional" songs for a while now... what the mean to me, and who/what I think of when I hear them. Most of them are a negative tone... I can't ever seen to relate to happy songs no matter how happy I am. I should do that soon before I forget I even thought to do it.