Retina Woes
I want to update, though I can't as much as I want to right now. I'm not very comfortable sitting here, and staying on the computer for too long just makes it worse.
Last Wednesday I had emergency retina detachment surgery after a second opinion doctor in Richmond found that my retina had officially detached since I had seen by regular doctor just the day before. I had what is called a Scleral Buckle (and the pictures on that site of it are actually quite gross, just as a warning). For the past week my eye as been puffy and bruised and in general looking like someone socked me a good one. I only had one really bad 24 hour period (from Mid Thursday to Mid Friday, when my muscle relaxant that I was given before surgery wore off. The pain was so bad it made me cry out when it got bad... I had to go back to Richmond, while nauseous and in horrible pain, to get a prescription of the same pills I was given before surgery) but since then everything has been going as well as they can. I've started to see the same "bubbles of light" that I was seeing before the surgery, but I called today and the tech I spoke to told me this was normal... so who knows. I was *so* glad I had slept through the surgery (since they don't put you to sleep like for regular surgery, just really drug you the fuck up... luckily my lack of sleep the previous night allowed me to sleep while drugged, totally unaware that the hour had passed when I woke up. Though, I was awake for a tiny last part at the end, and felt what they were doing... but at least whatever it was, it didn't hurt).
Most people I've told about the surgery have had a response of... "oh, that sucks." I don't know if it's because of Lasik eye surgery, where people go in and come out and really have little to no recovery other than eye drops and an order not to rub their eyes, or what... But the surgery I had done was *major* surgery, not a casual thing at all. I actually have two stitches on the right side of my eye that holds on the "buckle" object around my eye. I have no idea when the vision in my right eye will stabilize to the point where I can get my glasses prescription filled, and it will probably be twice as long until it'll be safe for me to wear my contacts. In the meantime, my vision in general so bad that it's not really an option for me to try to use my right eye in any normal way. I have to close or cover my right eye to see, and even though that's more comfortable than my vision being distorted by my right eye being nearly blind, it's still terribly uncomfortable. I guess it's just getitng under my skin a bit that people don't seem to be taking it as seriously as it really is.
I've only really spoken to Matt, John, and my WoW guild about the problems with my eye. Everyone has been a great support and I was actually really surprised how many people from my guild asked me how I was when I was finally feeling able to log in last night. Matt has been a *great* listener to all my whining and stories, though he probably should have told me to stfu for a little bit at some point since even though I wanted to share and tell every experience about the surgery with him, I didn't really consider how (possibly) boring it could be if I just told bits and pieces out of order over an hour of constant talking 
I blame the meds on my wacky behavior, it's all the meds, I swear!
Speaking of the meds... until yesterday, I was feeling pretty surreal. I felt really, really calm, and in general... just good. Since I spent a good 4-5 days just laying on my back with the TV and lights off and my eyes closed, and I had alot of time to think about all my regular shit: my past. I don't know why I dwell on it so much... maybe it's just because I don't like dreaming all that much, or fantasizing, about things that arn't certain. I'll have to get introspective and boring about my past obsession another time... but for now, I have a slight confession. Over the past 3 years, I accumulated quite a large list of people I blocked on AIM or just in general stopped speaking to certain people. While I was feeling good about myself (as in, feeling like I *am* a better person than I was, and I should find some way to show that and try to fix the things that I carelessly broke), I went through the list and unblocked alot of people that I honestly was feeling bad for "snubbing."
I don't really think I'm being all that clear of what exactly was going through my mind at the time, or what feeling actually made me do it, but I don't really feel like I have the time to sit here and try to get it out. While I do have a home made patch over my right eye, the strain of just using my left one does take a large toll on my right regardless. To make this short and sweet: if you are reading this, and I ever blocked you from AIM, then you should check the very bottom of my AIM profile. It is a general message meant for all the people I feel I have regrets for. If any of you read this, and if any of you feel like talking to me... you'll need to take the jump for both of us.
Now, to go lay down and try to sleep... hopefully I'll have more luck than last night.