Hooplah.Org

I want to update, though I can’t as much as I want to right now. I’m not very comfortable sitting here, and staying on the computer for too long just makes it worse.

Last Wednesday I had emergency retina detachment surgery after a second opinion doctor in Richmond found that my retina had officially detached since I had seen by regular doctor just the day before. I had what is called a Scleral Buckle (and the pictures on that site of it are actually quite gross, just as a warning). For the past week my eye as been puffy and bruised and in general looking like someone socked me a good one. I only had one really bad 24 hour period (from Mid Thursday to Mid Friday, when my muscle relaxant that I was given before surgery wore off. The pain was so bad it made me cry out when it got bad… I had to go back to Richmond, while nauseous and in horrible pain, to get a prescription of the same pills I was given before surgery) but since then everything has been going as well as they can. I’ve started to see the same “bubbles of light” that I was seeing before the surgery, but I called today and the tech I spoke to told me this was normal… so who knows. I was *so* glad I had slept through the surgery (since they don’t put you to sleep like for regular surgery, just really drug you the fuck up… luckily my lack of sleep the previous night allowed me to sleep while drugged, totally unaware that the hour had passed when I woke up. Though, I was awake for a tiny last part at the end, and felt what they were doing… but at least whatever it was, it didn’t hurt).

Most people I’ve told about the surgery have had a response of… “oh, that sucks.” I don’t know if it’s because of Lasik eye surgery, where people go in and come out and really have little to no recovery other than eye drops and an order not to rub their eyes, or what… But the surgery I had done was *major* surgery, not a casual thing at all. I actually have two stitches on the right side of my eye that holds on the “buckle” object around my eye. I have no idea when the vision in my right eye will stabilize to the point where I can get my glasses prescription filled, and it will probably be twice as long until it’ll be safe for me to wear my contacts. In the meantime, my vision in general so bad that it’s not really an option for me to try to use my right eye in any normal way. I have to close or cover my right eye to see, and even though that’s more comfortable than my vision being distorted by my right eye being nearly blind, it’s still terribly uncomfortable. I guess it’s just getitng under my skin a bit that people don’t seem to be taking it as seriously as it really is.

I’ve only really spoken to Matt, John, and my WoW guild about the problems with my eye. Everyone has been a great support and I was actually really surprised how many people from my guild asked me how I was when I was finally feeling able to log in last night. Matt has been a *great* listener to all my whining and stories, though he probably should have told me to stfu for a little bit at some point since even though I wanted to share and tell every experience about the surgery with him, I didn’t really consider how (possibly) boring it could be if I just told bits and pieces out of order over an hour of constant talking I blame the meds on my wacky behavior, it’s all the meds, I swear!

Speaking of the meds… until yesterday, I was feeling pretty surreal. I felt really, really calm, and in general… just good. Since I spent a good 4-5 days just laying on my back with the TV and lights off and my eyes closed, and I had alot of time to think about all my regular shit: my past. I don’t know why I dwell on it so much… maybe it’s just because I don’t like dreaming all that much, or fantasizing, about things that arn’t certain. I’ll have to get introspective and boring about my past obsession another time… but for now, I have a slight confession. Over the past 3 years, I accumulated quite a large list of people I blocked on AIM or just in general stopped speaking to certain people. While I was feeling good about myself (as in, feeling like I *am* a better person than I was, and I should find some way to show that and try to fix the things that I carelessly broke), I went through the list and unblocked alot of people that I honestly was feeling bad for “snubbing.”

I don’t really think I’m being all that clear of what exactly was going through my mind at the time, or what feeling actually made me do it, but I don’t really feel like I have the time to sit here and try to get it out. While I do have a home made patch over my right eye, the strain of just using my left one does take a large toll on my right regardless. To make this short and sweet: if you are reading this, and I ever blocked you from AIM, then you should check the very bottom of my AIM profile. It is a general message meant for all the people I feel I have regrets for. If any of you read this, and if any of you feel like talking to me… you’ll need to take the jump for both of us.

Now, to go lay down and try to sleep… hopefully I’ll have more luck than last night.

I can’t believe it’s been practically a month since I last updated. I’m not even sure why it is I am writing now… I am nearly falling over from being so tired, but for whatever reason getting over the hurdle of going to brush my teeth seems to be reason enough for me to stay awake for the moment.

I need to write. I had an eventful past couple of weeks… and I may be undergoing some rather serious eye surgery in the near future, so should probably try to document as much as possible what it’s like to have vision out of my right eye, encase I loose it for whatever reason. But, because I am terminally and hopelessly lazy, here is a quick list of things that I need to write about:

1. I spent a week at Matt’s house, from 8/20 to 8/29. I had a great time, and for the first time that I can remember in a longgggg time, my “out of sight, out of mind” tactic isn’t working for being ok with being apart from him. I miss him, and I am very lonely.
2. While in Arizona, Matt’s parents paid for a trip to Las Vegas for 2 nights. I got know Matt’s parents alot better, which was nice. I went to Las Vegas with $12 in my pocket, but from playing Wheel of Fortune machines I managed to get up to $220 one day. We also saw the Blue Man Group at the Luxor, which was a *great* show. I did not walk down the trip at night though, which is the only thing I really wish I had done and didn’t.
3. The rest of the week at Matt’s was peaceful and nice.
4. After seeing flashes of light in my right eye for the better part of a year, I finally got some insurance (only until my birthday, though) and went to an eye doctor last Thursday. He informed me that the hole I knew I had in my retinea had now become two, and that there was now a bit of fluid near them… which could soon detach my retinea completely. Right now it’s a semi detachment, since it’s upraised. I will have to get a second opinion, and then will probably do what has been suggested: get laser eye surgery to try to reattach the area near the holes. The surgery may or may not work. If my retinea detached while I was not covered my insurance… bye bye sight in my right eye.
5. I also went to a doctor about my IBS. I explained my symptoms, and to the doctor it seemed too drastic of a change over the course of a year. Before I get another scope (oh, how I cannot wait to see my colon on TV again) she gave me a new prescription to try and see if that helped at all. Shame the pills cost $20, and if taken as directed, would only last 8 days. The doctor thinks I may have “progressed” to have the same thing my father does… and oddly, I’m happy about that. IBS is a blanket term for anything abnormal that has unknown causes, which can be many things that I don’t experience… inflammatory bowel diseases actually have meds designed for constant symptoms. Yay.

Before I get stuck awake for the next 2 hours, I need to make myself get up and de-funk my teeth. I’d like my entries to focus more on my life, if I can get myself to post more. I went through a phase of wanting to post introspective stuff, since there really wasn’t anything going on in my life. There still really isn’t anything going on now either (other than the above mentioned), so my updates will probably be rare until I do something noteworthy.