Hooplah.Org A Story of Graceful Stumbles

And it gets worse and worse

After having spent most of yesterday crying, my eyes still feel puffy and heavy. I keep having the urge to take naps, though when I lay down I do nothing but think and toss and turn. I had no choice to take my contacts out last night because my eyes just kept burning.

Sigh. I called about another job today. 15-20 hours a week, $7 an hour. I'd get $350 or so a month, and that'd be enough to pay all my bills, pay $70 off on my credit card a month, and still have around $50-$60 a month leftover for whatever. It's not alot... but it's a job reference and some office related work experience. But what's the point of getting ahead of myself. The secretary took my name and number and told me I would get a call back shortly.

To make matters worse... something suspicious showed up on a chest x-ray my mother did sometime last week. She had originally gotten them to see if there could be anything there that could contribute to her recent (dramatic) weight loss... and I suppose cancer could do just that, though I don't really know much about anything relating to that. My mother has bought some nicotine patches, and is supposed to be starting them tomorrow. While I wish she had considered them ages ago, and I wish she had a different motivator than fear now... I am truly happy she is going to try. I'm going to support her as much as possible. At the moment, my father knows nothing of her buying them... because he will only say "I told you so," "you should have started this a long time ago," etc. The man is incapable of compassion or support, so there's really no point wasting time expecting it from him.

He's gotten to the point where he openly curses at innocent receptionists over bills and other conflicts... as if they're going to help him if he's being so rude. When he gets off the phone with them, he does nothing but sit there ranting insults and threats to himself out loud, including saying he wishes he could "go down there and shoot them all."

I am ashamed to even know him, much less admit we're genetically linked.

Everything seems to go wrong at once. My mother could have cancer, I'm having difficulty getting a job, and I'm trapped with the most evil and heartless men I've ever met... ugh. The only real thing I have to look forward to are my mother's next 4 days off, possibly renting and reading the LOTR books (now that I've seen all the movies), and the silly little raids that happen in DAoC. Oh boy, oh boy.

Here's me taking a stab at being positive: Today is Matt and I's 19 month anniversary. Yay. I so wish he was here... I need hugs now more than ever.