Maybe I was wrong
Sometimes I can be far too cynical. While my father was still typically annoying in just about everything he said, Debbie was rather polite and was very sweet. And Morgan was simply precious... while I couldn't really see it, she's supposedly *so* much bigger than she was when we saw her in July. I did notice that she was much more talkative and active, and seemed like she looked thinner for some reason. She seemed to absolutely love me... she learned my name (and repeated "Chrishy" when my dad asked Morgan what my name was) and even asked for me to pick her up. I almost panicked when I looked down, and saw her at my feet with her hands reached up. I could tell from her doing it with Debbie she wanted to be picked up, and all I could do was reach for her hands and helplessly look at my dad and Debbie and say I never picked up a baby before. My dad ended up lifting her up and handing her to me. I held her while we watched TV, and it was nice. At one point she said something that either included the word "tummy" or "heart", and at that point I put her down... felt bad not knowing what she said, and that was my way to distract her from me not knowing 
When we went to leave, she kept saying "Chrishy say here", and actually hugged my legs as I was standing near the door. I was worried about her freaking out and getting upset and crying, but luckily she's being raised by calm people and an outburst like that is probably saved for severe disappointment
I guess Debbie bothers me more because of the aftershock she leaves among my family... she's always only been interested in contacting my father, while my parents only answered her Christmas card so I'd have someone later in life. It seems my father will bend over backwards for her, and will barley live a finger for me or my mother. It's things like that that make me dislike her, and a large part of it is from how much it all bothers my mother. But when I meet her, she seems so nice... It's just sometimes I can't always assume her intentions are innocent and that she's nieve about how difficult the whole situation is on our side.
It bothered me whenever my father would use ways to "threaten" Morgan. And what I mean by that, is that he would constantly say "Better be good or Santa will give all your toys away to other kids." To me, that's a shitty and mean thing to say to a 2 year old who was so happy to say that Santa was getting her toys. He would do that shit all the time to me when I was little... a "subtle" way to threaten a small child to do what you want. There was always something at stake that he could take away from me if I was bad, and he made sure I was always aware of it. I flinched everytime he would say that to Morgan, which was roughly 10 or more times in the hour or so we were there.
I ended up not hooking up their computer, since they didn't have a desk or anything to put it on, and I didn't think it was sensible to start their AOL trial now when they won't be using the computer for a week or more. We're going to be going back after they get their phone connections setup, and I'll work on it then... and possibly give them a crash course on computer usage. Depends on how I'm feeling at the time, and if I can figure out a way to do it that they would understand. I've never been a very good teacher.
When we got home, me and my mother opened the presents Debbie gave us. She had spelled my name wrong on the 2 of my presents (Crissy) and gave me a bracelet and a fleece coat thing... almost identical to my gift last year, only last years was purple and this years was blue. This years one might actually fit me, so maybe I'll wear it... even though I'm not a big fan of fleece. My mother got 4 presents of little decorative stuff... an ornament and a musical Santa, and a bracelet sorta like mine. My father didn't open his presents, saying he wanted something to do on Christmas.
Tomorrow I'll probably have to go shopping with my mother early in the morning to get pajama pants... because they're 50% off. I need some more, but still... I'm always told when we're going to go do shit, and it's always got to be at times that are inconvenient to me. Just because I seemingly do nothing doesn't mean I'm free to do whatever they plan. Blah 
Yesterday and Today
Yesterday I met my mother at Wal-Mart so she could return some items and so she could show me where the YMCA is so I could fill out an application (since the wonderful woman I talked to on the phone didn't have any idea of what job openings they had). We spent forever in Wal-Mart, since my mother is the type of compulsive shopper where if she sees something she likes, she must stop and investigate it. As I've gotten older I've gotten better about dealing with it, but at the time I had a headache and felt like I was sleep walking, and wasn't really in the mood to keep wasting time. I tried to rush her, which ultimately doesn't work and left me more frustrated. My mother bought tons of stuff, while I only asked for 2 pairs of underwear and some Christmas cards.
At the YMCA, I filled out the application saying I wanted an "office" job, and listed my typing speed and the programs I know in the clerical section. As we were heading to the car (using the right exit/entrance this time... we got noobed when we first got there, since the lady had to show us the correct entrance since we had been at the "express entrance." She was polite about us making the mistake, though) my mother asked why I didn't just say I'd be interested in any job they had available instead of limiting it to office. I told her I wanted to be specific about the job opening she told me they would have soon. I remember her saying that it was an opening position (5AM-9AM), and that it was office/computer work... and as we were walking she claimed she never said that, that the job that was for making sure all the rooms were ready, had everything out, and were clean. Or something along those lines. Oh well I guess... my parents do not seem to get that I'm trying to get my foot in the door for a future I want. A future that includes sitting at a desk and uses everything I've taught myself over the years. My ideal job: doing something monotonous for hours on end, as that's what I excel at doing. This is the best time for me to be picky about where I get a job, as my financial obligations are minimal... and while my mother only gets frustrated at my pickiness, my father is embarrassed by me because I am 21 and unemployed. As usual, he's more concerned about how it makes him look to others, and not how I'm trying to align my future in a way that will not make me want to kill myself every morning. Oh well I guess... I'll take my time and find what I need. He'll have to live with it.
After going to the YMCA, we went to PetsMart, as that's where I wanted to spend my $100 allowance for Christmas stuff... on a tank. I had originally wanted a tank and a stand to go with it, but in the end it would put me way over the budget, since I also needed to buy new rocks... because Herbie keeps trying to eat the type I have in there now. Like, for example, one day I noticed her body was oddly shaped and I assumed she had swallowed rocks. I put her in a 1 gallon tank so I could monitor her and remove the rocks once she finally threw them up. A week later, as I was leaving to go somewhere, I spotted three rocks in her tank. At the time, I was already late and didn't want to get icky, and figured the rocks would still be there when I got back. When I peeked in the tank a couple hours later, there were only two rocks. It took her another three weeks to spit up the last rock.
Since that obviously can't be healthy, I need to get HUGE rocks, bigger than the whole size of her head, so it won't happen again. A bag of those was $16. The tank itself was around $25, a 20 gallon "low" tank. I had no idea a different in "tall" and "low" tanks existed, and since I always have to keep the water depth somewhere around 5-6 inches, I would get *much* more use out of a tank that's only a foot tall compared to one that's nearly 2 feet tall. It also gives them *so* much more swimming room, and I think they'll need it... Kasey seems like he will be a biter, as I've seen nibble marks in Cayenne's tail. She (and Herbie) will need plenty of room to run away from the little nibbler if he indeed will keep doing that. Anyway. On top of the tank, tank cover, and rocks, I also bought a little house thing they can hide in, as well as a new decorative back drop. This all put me around $85. I'll have to buy a tank stand another time... for now I guess I will just use the old desk I have out in the garage. I might need to rearrange my room to get the full benefit out of all of this, but that's still under alot of debate. I'm both lazy and prefer my bed to be away from the wall I share with my parents bedroom, for obvious reasons. But we shall see.
Anyway. I mostly wrote this because it's patch day in DAoC, and the servers keep going up and down, up and down... Mythic can't even seem to do anything right the first time. I've gotten to the point where I expect there to be at least 2 times they take down the servers, but today they're already on their third time trying to get it right. Blah.
I'm also wasting time until I have to go over to my sister's house. We're going to be dropping off Christmas presents for Morgan, and then we're going to attempt to give my sister my father's old computer (which Matt put a new hard drive in while he was here, he was so sweet to do that). Then, after that, I get the joy of putting the fucking thing together, and then probably having to show her how to use it. It angers me so much that my father just made up this plan, without ever asking me if I wanted to do it. He constantly uses me for my computer knowledge, but when he gets even the tiniest bit upset, I'm suddenly stupid and ignorant. I'm only an intelligent woman when he wants or needs something done that he can't do himself. He also can't seem to grasp that if after 10 years of knowing Debbie, if I haven't found a reason to like her by now, I dislike her. He tries to buy her affection with money and presents, when all she really wants is him to bring his old ass over more than twice a year to see his granddaughter. To actually have a loving relationship with her and her family. If I could ever get a few moments alone with her, I would tell her how it really is... I would tell her all the shit that goes on behind closed doors, and what he really says to the people he "loves." I'll tell her all the reasons why I'll be keeping my children as far as I can from him, and why she should do the same. And lastly, I'll tell her that a large part of my dislike for her stems from the fact that I'm jealous of her... jealous that she got to grow up not knowing her father.
I'll do all that one day, and hopefully she'll believe me and finally desert my father just like he did to her as a baby... but day I'm going to kiss ass and watch my father take all the credit for what I'm doing, and spread his misunderstanding of computers (which is almost like a disease, I'm finding, as he's trying to "teach" all of his friends about computers, too) to her while I ignore them and get whatever I have to do done as fast as possible so I can get the hell out of there.
I really need to lighten up.
Moments
Today it's been a month since we put Calico to sleep, there's roughly 3 inches of snow on the ground, there was a minor car accident outside my house around 1AM, and Saddam was finally caught last night. So many things, a mixture of good and bad, to think about on one day.
Not What I Meant it to Be
I've been feeling the urge to write an entry, probably from wanting to make use of this precious new layout, but after two hours of debating over topics I've come to the conclusion there's nothing interesting to say. I could go on and on about stuff in DAoC, about my new spellcrafting template and my adventures through master levels... and maybe I will another day, but for right now (while I'm slightly intoxicated) I wanted something less involved.
I convinced my mother to order from Dominos yesterday night when she was not feeling like cooking. I offered to pay the tip for the delivery, because otherwise someone (probably me) would have been recruited to drive there and pick it up. I also get the joy of answering the door and exchanging the money for pizza. I've done this a handful of time at home (many more at college) and never once has the delivery person been someone I knew. Yesterday the person at the door had been in my graduating class, though I'm not too sure they recognized me. Had the porch light had not been taken up as an outlet for Christmas lights, maybe we would have said "hi." It's not likely, but still a possibility.
What bothered me most is that for the life of me I could not remember his name. I went so far as to hunt though my senior yearbook, looking from picture to picture, trying to find him. And when I did, I was shocked that though is face was so familiar, his name didn't ring a bell at all. I look a quick scan over the other pictures, and more than 50% of them I could not remember who they were, though their faces were familiar. Three years ago I prided myself in how well I knew my fellow classmen... now it's all just a fuzzy blur.
My mother has always been worried that she would end up like my grandmother... but the older I get, the more it seems like it skipped a generation, moved up a couple of decades, and headed straight for me. Either that, or the game is truly rotting my brain... I'd believe either.
Though my mother's coworkers connections, I have been collecting information on getting a job at a YMCA. Whether I'll get it, who knows... but I know someone with a 5-9 AM shift will be leaving soon, and I'd love to take their place. All I know is that it's an "office" style job... though I'm worried that the job duties will include answering phones. Whenever I point out my issues with phones in front of my mother, she gets greatly frustrated and says "Well you have to learn sometime! You answer the phone here all the time!" ... No one seems to believe me when I say I can't do it. When I'm at home, there's no stress or pressure about sounding just right or hearing everything everyone says perfectly the first time. While I'm being the "first human impression" for a business, I felt *extreme* amounts of pressure which caused my hearing to, well... literally shut down. That's the only way I can explain it. I'm not the best for catching what people say when I'm normal, but when I'm nervous... ugh, it's awful. It's not that I don't want to (even though I don't), it's not that I don't like to (even though I don't), it's that I cannot make out the words they're saying. No amount of raising the phone volume will ever fix that. And, at least for me, I will not pursue a job where I know I cannot do it the best I can. Not that I'm an over achiever (very far from it) I just don't see the point in signing up for something I know I cannot do well.
Blah. This entry turned into everything I didn't want to do, but I don't have the heart to delete it. I'm going to go shopping for armor in DAoC, then e-mail my SC template... just think of that silly game, it makes all the RL stuff go away...
And think of snow. Tomorrow we might get snow... hell, it could be snowing right now for all I know. I'll check when I'm done writing. They've been calling for a "wintery mix" for about a week now, but I'm still holding out for some accumulation. Maybe I'll bust out my camera... or maybe I'll forget as usual. Whichever. Just need something to keep my mind off all the things I know I should be doing... but I'm just not.
Tiny little update
So, I've been working on this web page quite a bit. I've gotten though transferring about 75% ish of my entries, which is *so* much farther than I thought I would be by now. Yay for MT giving great guides on how to transfer entries from other journaling scripts. Sadly the next 25% will take roughly 10x longer than the first 75%, as I'm having to manually change them into the format needed for importing the entries Fun fun fun.
I've also been messing with the images and color schemes alot. I've never put out a page/site version as unfinished as this one is, but I have so much more work to do that by the time it would be 100% suitable it'd be sometime by January before I'd be done At least with it semi online I feel pressure to work on it, and therefore will actually do it.... instead of letting it just rest in a folder for months. Besides, I wanted a seasonal layout... which means I'd like it up for the majority of the season, not just the last couple of weeks.
It's been a semi eventful week, but I'm not really in the mood to write right now. Blah at the first day of periods, they always knock me on my ass and make even the simplest tasks uncomfortable