Hooplah.Org A Story of Graceful Stumbles

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday I met my mother at Wal-Mart so she could return some items and so she could show me where the YMCA is so I could fill out an application (since the wonderful woman I talked to on the phone didn't have any idea of what job openings they had). We spent forever in Wal-Mart, since my mother is the type of compulsive shopper where if she sees something she likes, she must stop and investigate it. As I've gotten older I've gotten better about dealing with it, but at the time I had a headache and felt like I was sleep walking, and wasn't really in the mood to keep wasting time. I tried to rush her, which ultimately doesn't work and left me more frustrated. My mother bought tons of stuff, while I only asked for 2 pairs of underwear and some Christmas cards.

At the YMCA, I filled out the application saying I wanted an "office" job, and listed my typing speed and the programs I know in the clerical section. As we were heading to the car (using the right exit/entrance this time... we got noobed when we first got there, since the lady had to show us the correct entrance since we had been at the "express entrance." She was polite about us making the mistake, though) my mother asked why I didn't just say I'd be interested in any job they had available instead of limiting it to office. I told her I wanted to be specific about the job opening she told me they would have soon. I remember her saying that it was an opening position (5AM-9AM), and that it was office/computer work... and as we were walking she claimed she never said that, that the job that was for making sure all the rooms were ready, had everything out, and were clean. Or something along those lines. Oh well I guess... my parents do not seem to get that I'm trying to get my foot in the door for a future I want. A future that includes sitting at a desk and uses everything I've taught myself over the years. My ideal job: doing something monotonous for hours on end, as that's what I excel at doing. This is the best time for me to be picky about where I get a job, as my financial obligations are minimal... and while my mother only gets frustrated at my pickiness, my father is embarrassed by me because I am 21 and unemployed. As usual, he's more concerned about how it makes him look to others, and not how I'm trying to align my future in a way that will not make me want to kill myself every morning. Oh well I guess... I'll take my time and find what I need. He'll have to live with it.

After going to the YMCA, we went to PetsMart, as that's where I wanted to spend my $100 allowance for Christmas stuff... on a tank. I had originally wanted a tank and a stand to go with it, but in the end it would put me way over the budget, since I also needed to buy new rocks... because Herbie keeps trying to eat the type I have in there now. Like, for example, one day I noticed her body was oddly shaped and I assumed she had swallowed rocks. I put her in a 1 gallon tank so I could monitor her and remove the rocks once she finally threw them up. A week later, as I was leaving to go somewhere, I spotted three rocks in her tank. At the time, I was already late and didn't want to get icky, and figured the rocks would still be there when I got back. When I peeked in the tank a couple hours later, there were only two rocks. It took her another three weeks to spit up the last rock.

Since that obviously can't be healthy, I need to get HUGE rocks, bigger than the whole size of her head, so it won't happen again. A bag of those was $16. The tank itself was around $25, a 20 gallon "low" tank. I had no idea a different in "tall" and "low" tanks existed, and since I always have to keep the water depth somewhere around 5-6 inches, I would get *much* more use out of a tank that's only a foot tall compared to one that's nearly 2 feet tall. It also gives them *so* much more swimming room, and I think they'll need it... Kasey seems like he will be a biter, as I've seen nibble marks in Cayenne's tail. She (and Herbie) will need plenty of room to run away from the little nibbler if he indeed will keep doing that. Anyway. On top of the tank, tank cover, and rocks, I also bought a little house thing they can hide in, as well as a new decorative back drop. This all put me around $85. I'll have to buy a tank stand another time... for now I guess I will just use the old desk I have out in the garage. I might need to rearrange my room to get the full benefit out of all of this, but that's still under alot of debate. I'm both lazy and prefer my bed to be away from the wall I share with my parents bedroom, for obvious reasons. But we shall see.

Anyway. I mostly wrote this because it's patch day in DAoC, and the servers keep going up and down, up and down... Mythic can't even seem to do anything right the first time. I've gotten to the point where I expect there to be at least 2 times they take down the servers, but today they're already on their third time trying to get it right. Blah.

I'm also wasting time until I have to go over to my sister's house. We're going to be dropping off Christmas presents for Morgan, and then we're going to attempt to give my sister my father's old computer (which Matt put a new hard drive in while he was here, he was so sweet to do that). Then, after that, I get the joy of putting the fucking thing together, and then probably having to show her how to use it. It angers me so much that my father just made up this plan, without ever asking me if I wanted to do it. He constantly uses me for my computer knowledge, but when he gets even the tiniest bit upset, I'm suddenly stupid and ignorant. I'm only an intelligent woman when he wants or needs something done that he can't do himself. He also can't seem to grasp that if after 10 years of knowing Debbie, if I haven't found a reason to like her by now, I dislike her. He tries to buy her affection with money and presents, when all she really wants is him to bring his old ass over more than twice a year to see his granddaughter. To actually have a loving relationship with her and her family. If I could ever get a few moments alone with her, I would tell her how it really is... I would tell her all the shit that goes on behind closed doors, and what he really says to the people he "loves." I'll tell her all the reasons why I'll be keeping my children as far as I can from him, and why she should do the same. And lastly, I'll tell her that a large part of my dislike for her stems from the fact that I'm jealous of her... jealous that she got to grow up not knowing her father.

I'll do all that one day, and hopefully she'll believe me and finally desert my father just like he did to her as a baby... but day I'm going to kiss ass and watch my father take all the credit for what I'm doing, and spread his misunderstanding of computers (which is almost like a disease, I'm finding, as he's trying to "teach" all of his friends about computers, too) to her while I ignore them and get whatever I have to do done as fast as possible so I can get the hell out of there.

I really need to lighten up.