eBay auction frustration
I'm getting really fed up with the e-mails for my auction... mainly because today, the past 4 or so people have asked the same god damned thing. And when I read it, it sounds alot like this:
Dumbass2003: "Hi there. I was reading your auction, and I'd be very interested in buying [insert crummy boyout offer here, if they are going that route], but, uhm, I noticed you didn't mention you had the secret word... And, you know, usually when someone doesn't mention something, it probably means they probably don't have it... but I'm still confused... so, uhh, does that mean you have it, or that you, er, don't? Gimmie a holla."
Me: "You should have trusted your instincts, young grasshopper; I do not have the secret word. You are lucky that my response is built around kissing your oblivious ass, in the hopes that you'll want to top the current highest boyout offer [which I of course waste no time informing them of], because otherwise I'd vent all my frustration on the one that has caused it: you. But, fear not my under privileged friend; I have a remedy to our problem of the elusive secret word! I hear tell that if one were to call mythic, they can play an embarrassing game of word charades, and, if defeated, will fork over the treasured word! Oh my, horah, we are saved!"
Dumbass2003: " "
Dumbass2003 never responds, because they either don't believe me (even though, I am polite as can be when I really respond to them...) or the scheme of events was too much for them to think about all at once. I can sort of understand why they'd need the secret word... erm, sort of... it's used for password recovery and an extra protection on the account. Like, say, if someone were to get the password somehow, and was doing lots of nasty shit on it... you'd call mythic up, scream the secret word into the receiver, and all would be well again. Well, sort of. But to me, the only time that would ever happen to someone is if they were doing something fishy/wrong in the first place, or it was just one of those freak times when a DAoC account name and password just happened to fall into someone's lap and they, therefore, chose you at "random." Or whatever. I never had to use it in a year of owning the account... and as useless as it was to me, compacted with the bulk of e-mails I'm getting about it (take the hint, people... people don't "forget" to leave out something as "crucial" as that - if it's not there, then IT'S NOT THERE) I'm obviously starting to get a little flustered about it.
And to make matters worse, I decided to notify the person that was offering the biggest buyout offer thus far the news of me not having the secret word prior to them purchasing it... mainly because, they've been nice to me so far, and I didn't want to "lead them on" if they were really expecting that at the end. I did tell them it was possible for me to get it, but I would only do it if they really felt they needed it. They have yet to get back to me, which can't really be good.
Blah... I suck at humor (which is what I was hoping this post would be... just turned out being mean, I think), have felt like shit most of this evening, and am very sleepy now. I got Cayenne today, all in one piece and perfect. So far she's been a fussy eater, rejecting the bloodworms as if she's too good for them, but we'll see if her attitude changes tomorrow when she'll be starving for some food. Kasey has no pride... and willingly gobbles up all the food she doesn't want. He's turning into quite the heffer already. It's adorable.
Stephen calls, Debbie’s Pregnant
Today was pretty eventful, despite how surreal and peaceful this first real spring day has been. I hope spring lingers for a while, instead of summer "cumming" prematurely. Because that's what it does around here... there is one full week of rhythmic weather, hitting at just that perfect spot where no coat is needed, yet you don't break a sweat... and then the next day your splashed in the face with 90 degree weather, all sticky and humid. The seasons I love the most never last long enough 
Stephen called sometime today. It was nice to talk to him again, since the last time had been the phone call that was a little past 8, about a month ago I guess. I wrote something snotty about it in my journal, I think, but I apologized to him on the phone today about it, and he apologized too. That aside, it was a regular sort of updating each other conversation... we talked about how his relationship is going, which is alot more "full" than it was a month ago, which I'm happy about. Happy for him. He said he has just been feeling good about everything lately (or something along those lines), which I'm even more happy about for him. Stephen usually calls me when he needs advice, and this time it had something to do with arranging a meeting place and what not. It's great to know he cares what I think; so far there hasn't been something that I can't at least help him analyze the answer to yet, but I'm sure one day he'll stump me (which is something Stephen would take dirty 
. I told him all about my drama over the pets, in a really fast worded way, trying to make that part of the appeal. Stephen has always been there to listen to me rant Though I think I apologize alot for it now more than I did 2 years ago, just simply because... I feel selfish when I do now. He says he doesn't mind... but he better tell me the instant that he starts to
Stephen said he would call me tomorrow to tell me how tonight went, and that maybe we could do something this weekend. Would be nice... we'll probably see a movie (he even suggested a proclaimed "chick flick," which is another reason why I love Stephen... his tastes aren't limited by socially drawn lines). We'll see how it all pans out.
Then, shortly after that, my sister Debbie called. I didn't talk to her... I actually can't remember the last time I really spoke to her, other than the little chit chat that goes on if I answered the call and my dad is still trying to make it to the phone. The only real notable thing about this, was, while in the kitchen, I heard my father say "Congratulations"... which I knew, from what my father told from her last phone call, that she was probably pregnant again. I came over and asked if that's what it was, he said yes, and I told him to tell her congratulations for me. Though, of course, my father didn't, and only said into the phone "Yeah, I just told Chrisy. She has a big smile on her face." Not that that was a lie, I was smiling... I just didn't really want her to know that for some reason. It made me feel awkward, especially with the odd smile my father was giving me. I can only hope for her that it won't be another ugly baby... maybe this time it will look like Debbie and not the father. Or, I'd like to think it was the father's fault last time... because I certainly hope the genes for babies like that isn't in my DNA anywhere. Though, Morgan does look alot like her father, now that she's getting older (think a year and a 1/2 now... and I have yet to see her in person once... yet I'm supposed to be happy about another niece/nephew that I'll never know... yeah, right...). Debbie is hoping for a boy this time... I think she'll probably get another girl.
I never did call Dianna about the job yesterday... I assumed that maybe they had a reason for not calling - maybe they were too busy, maybe they got home too late, maybe they had bad news and didn't really know how to tell me... all of which were good reasons for simply leaving them alone last night, and then trying again today. I had actually began to wonder if she had said that Mr Lee would be coming down next money, and not yesterday, but after a while I couldn't be certain anymore. I called around 8PM, figuring that I might as well check in, and Dianna answered the phone (even though a female voice answers, I always ask if Dianna is there... when she's the only woman that lives there :ehh: Just a trained response, I guess). She apologized for not calling - she had gotten back late, and didn't really have any free time until around 10 o'clock, which was too late to call (about 4 hours too late to call this house, with how early my parents go to bed). She told me that Mr Lee had not come by again on Monday... I think she basically said that everything was still really hectic about organizing and paper work. Though, she did have good news for me... Both her and her husband had put in a good word for me, and it was basically "settled" that I would get the job... all Mr Lee had to do was say the official "yes" and establish when I would be starting and what not. Dianna told me she was pretty confident that all of this would happen on Thursday, and that there was a chance I might get a phone call from her at work there, just encase Mr Lee has any questions for him, or vise versa.
I was able to squeeze in one question that I had thought of about the job while me and Dianna were talking. It was whether or not I'd be paid weekly or biweekly... she explained that it was weekly, but one week behind. So I'll work the first week, work another week, and on the Thursday or Friday of that week I would get paid for the first week. Not too bad at all, really. $200-$250 a week... nope, not bad at all
So, I'm basically "free" until Monday, though I've been trying not to see my new job as confined as that. Granted, that's what jobs are... nothing but annoying tasks you need to complete in order to make any money, which is what survival depends on... but if I let that get to me, then I start to hate it, dread it, and ultimately do poorly at it. It will make me miserable and eat me alive. I've always seen work as a burden... my motivation just can't be driven by the need for money alone... I need to want to do something for some reason, otherwise, it just falls flat. I just fall flat. On paper, this job seems like it's going to be great... although, Dianna mentioned that they just hired a fulltime person, too, and they're going to have 3 weeks worth of training. I'm only hoping that My Job is a little less complicated, or that I'm at least able to take good notes while they show me. Ehh... it'll all be seen with time, I guess. I just don't know how long I can keep a mind over matter approach to loathing every minute of the job, no matter how nice it is compared to some others.
Revisiting a memory
The weather is so gorgeous here. It's not very windy, but just enough breeze to be calming. I love afternoons like this... where you can walk around without a coat and short sleeves, and not be a slight bit chilled. The real type of spring weather. They remind me of the ages 11 through 15, before I could drive, and walked everywhere with everyone.
And while sitting here, with my window open and the black curtains parted, I had a moment of revisiting a memory... I remembered how I sat in this very spot 3 years ago, and stared out at the same view. It's not much of a view... just the side of the garage from this angle... but the shadows created on it where the same, and the smell blowing through the window was very familiar. I had been playing American Pie by Madonna and Feels So Good by Sonique on repeat on my lap top...k... well as another song, I think, that I no longer remember the name of. This was a moment from when I was a very different person, and had a very different life. I looked, and I don't have any journal archives that really capture this feeling that washed over me. So, I downloaded those songs again, since I had almost avoided redownloading them for the very sake of this memory, and just sat here a moment... almost reliving it... it almost feels hopeful, in a time when I was going through such helplessness. It's thoughts of highschool and memories of how eye opening that spring had been for me. In it's own unique way, it's beauty and peace... the best I knew of it then. I had been crying in that moment, and I almost feel as though I could cry now. But I no longer have the reasons I did for it back then.
Revisting that memory made me realize some important things that I have lost. The underlying hope that was always with me then, no matter how sad I appeared on the outside. The joy of being and feeling young, and doing the things that young people do. Maybe I have lost touch in simplicity. Maybe I don't dance enough, or do the outrageous things I used to. Maybe I see life now as something to be done, rather than something I want to do. Or maybe I miss friends like Michael and James, or the busrides home from school. Something was there 3 years ago that I no longer have, and I can't quite put my finger on what it is. I'm not even sure if I need it anymore, but whatever it was, it felt comfortable. It felt like me. And I've been losing touch with that alot recently...
Maybe this will be another eye opening spring.
Niles Biological, Michelle’s Trip, Exboyfriend Week
Hrm. Sort of been avoiding writing... and even right now, I don't really want to. Course, I've been starting alot of entries with that, and they turned out being almost a couple pages in length. So, ehh. We'll see how quick I get sick of typing, or if I'll even finish this and post it
Hrm... I guess the last time I really wrote anything was back early last Thursday. At that time, I was still waiting for a call back from Niles Biological, and was contemplating the options of what to do with the mice and axolotls. I had come to the conclusion that I wouldn't be able to house Herbie with any new axolotls I get, due to the fact that she is so small in size, so I had passively decided that when Niles Biological called me back I would tell them I was interested in keeping the brown axie they had sent me and then inquire about getting another one. I was still going to try to have them help pay for that one, simply because they did still mess up due to them not having proper knowledge of an animal they were selling.
Around 7PM, I had gotten tired of waiting for them to call me back (it had been more than 6 hours, and all she had to do was look over the axolotl tank once more and maybe call a breeder or two... don't know why that was taking so long) so I decided to go ahead and call encase she had forgotten, but she was too busy to talk to me on the phone, and said she would call me back in a little. An hour later, she did. She notified me that all of the ones in the tank were either brown or "golden" (which is what she called albino axies no matter how many times I suttley tried to correct her to the right terminology... she called albino ones "golden" and white ones "albino." It was so annoying) She also said she had called a breeder, and that they said they had some albino ones and would be dropping them off in about 2 weeks. To the woman I was speaking to (think her name was Rebecca) this was great news, because her with twisted terminology, that meant that the breeder had white axies like I had wanted. But, if it was a breeder that said this, then I would suspect she was using the right terminology, and that meant they were just more "golden" axies. I could have corrected Rebecca, or even asked for clarification in an insulting way ("Did she say ALBINO or WHITE? There's a difference honey...") but I decided to say I didn't want to wait the 2 weeks, and that I'd just take an albino ("golden") one they had in the store. I did that mainly because in 2 weeks I didn't want to deal with her looking puzzled and not understanding why the breeder dropped off "golden" looking axies instead of ones with white bodies and pink gills.
In terms of trading in the brown axie, she had actually arranged a pretty decent deal... she was going to send me an albino ("golden") axolotl, and was going to include a postage sticker or whatever so that I could send the brown axie back, and was only going to charge me $10 for the switch. All in all, that was nice. But when I told her what I discovered about Herbie's housing situation, and how I wanted to keep the axolotl they had sent me... she said "well, that sort of solves the problem of you not getting the axolotl you wanted." Erm, no, it doesn't. I still got the wrong color. But I went ahead with it, anyway, and let her charge me full price for another freaking one, that was still not the color I wanted. This time I chose 2 day shipping instead of 1 day, so it'd be alot easier on my credit card. I had actually tried hounding my mother to call for hours beforehand, because I knew I would puss out when real conflict arose.
So... blah. Overall, that was no fun, but I'm still excited about getting the new one in the mail on Wednesday. I changed the name of my current axie (the brown one) to Kasey, and the new one will be named Cayenne.
Also while writing my last full entry, I was talking to Michelle on AIM. She had IMed me shortly after I had written her the e-mail. She wrote a response back about the mice, and said that she's going to be moving to her roommate's aunt's house, and that she'd probably not be too cool with mice in the house, which I could totally understand. So, that gave the the relief of just being able to let them go in the wild. While talking to Michelle on AIM, we started talking more about visiting each other. I had mentioned it in the e-mail, since I was going to be starting work sometime this week, and asked her if she had any free time between then (Thursday) and Monday so that maybe we could do something during that time. Lucky for me, she did have time... She had most of Friday off, and didn't have to work again until 5PM on Saturday. So, we made plans for her to come down and visit me during that time.
For the rest of Thursday, I basically spent it quickly putting up my daoc account and cleaning around the room. I blew up the inflatable mattress again (even though I had just deflated it the previous Sunday or Monday and Friday morning I woke up early and vacuumed around the house, and straightening up other areas around the house.
Michelle arrived sometime around 12 or 1PM I think. She really doesn't live that far away - only 50 miles or so. When I met her at the door, I ended up hugging her twice, because it was really hitting me just how much I had missed her :ehh: And at the same time, I also got really angry with myself for having been a hermit for most of last year. Shortly after she got here, we let the mice go in my backyard. Earlier that day, I had cleaned out the cage and put it in the garage, so my room wouldn't smell bad by the time Michelle got here. I had put down some towels and put the mice on the shelf, with water and food. Though, the entire time, I had to keep checking on the mice, because even though I had put the towels down to keep the mice from shitting on the bookshelf, they kept going UNDER the towels and shitting under there... omg, it was making me so angry. No matter how much I folded or redid the towels, they kept getting under it. Needless to say... it didn't make me have any regrets about letting them go.
The trip with Michelle was overall pretty good. When she first got here, we talked alot (while I struggled with my nervousness) and eventually decided to go into Fredericksburg to get some food. I had wanted to drive to save her gas money (which it didn't occur to me to give to her until after she had left ) but my father currently had the car, so we took hers instead. We ended up eating at Ruby Tuesdays, which was nice. We talked about alot of things... our relationships what not, our friends, etc. We also talked about her maybe moving down here and maybe us rooming together. Granted, there are alot of pluses and minus's to that for me... well, the only real minus is that it may take me a little while longer than I planned to get to WI with Matt. But, ehh, those issues are all in the future now, and I don't really need to worry with them just yet I don't think. It's nice to have something like that to look forward to, though, if it does end up working out.
After that, we walked around the mall some. We didn't go into many stores - just mainly walked and talked. It's really a small mall; alot smaller than I used to think it was. Guess I still had the impression I had of it when I was 5. It didn't take us long to get tired of it there, and I mentioned that we could go to rugged warehouse. We did, and Michelle bought a very cute pair of shoes. We came home shortly after, and for the rest of the night we basically watched Sex and the City 3rd season. About 1/2 way through, I started to feel bad about asking if she'd like to watch it, with the thought that she might have been getting sick of it... but I was only asking because I had thought she had wanted to see it.
There was talk of her maybe calling into work for Saturday so she could stay the whole weekend, but it ended up not working out, and she left my house around 2PM (accidently leaving her photo album, too... whoops). I was sorta bummed, but I was actually feeling sort of bad about the trip. It wasn't anything Michelle did, but moreso what I couldn't do. I noticed something... I was interacting with Michelle the same way that I do with Matt. I mean, it's ok to maybe talk baby talk with him, or maybe to announce burps like we do, or things like "itchy butt", or to even proclaim certain things as "cute!"... and alot of other things... those are ok to do with Matt, only because they are, well, sort of inside jokes and things that only the both of us understand. But when Michelle was here, it became painfully obvious that I couldn't separate how I act with Matt with how I act with everyone else. And the more I tried to act like how I used to at Radford, the "real me," the more I failed at it and just became uncomfortable with even speaking :ehh: I tried to make a joke, and I'd stutter all over myself and fall flat. It was odd, though... When Michelle first got here, I seemed to almost act "normal" right off the bat while I was nervous, which is abnormal for me... and then it was almost like I was acting how I usually do when I get nervous after I had gotten comfortable. It was just blah... I couldn't tell if Michelle really noticed to cared. At the time, I had sort of taken her not wanting to spend the extra time here as her not liking how I was acting :ehh: It probably wasn't that, but I wouldn't blame her if it was.
That night I just stayed frustrated with myself. I should have known there would be some consequences for making Matt my only social contact for almost the past year. When I spent time with Stephen, it was different for some reason... probably just because I have known him for so long, and he's been there for all my "mutations." And well, also, I had just gotten off a full week with Matt, so acting and responding that way was still fresh in my mind when Michelle was here. But it was still upsetting and frustrating for me Not that the way I act with Matt is bad... but that's between us, no one else. I tend to mutate my personality to fit the people in my life, and this is the first time it's ever really flung back and hit me.
That night I was supposed to call my neighbor again about the job... but it turns out, the man they were supposed to have the meeting with about it (Mr Lee, I think is his name) couldn't make it, and they had another meeting set for Monday. Dianna had said she was going to call sometime today around 6 or 6:30, and it's already 7:30ish as I'm writing this, and I'm not sure whether to call her or just wait longer. Maybe they're having dinner first. Maybe around 8:30 I'll give them a ring.
And with the auction... ugh, it's been frustrating. It doesn't appear to be, considering that no one has bid... but that's because every single freaking one of them has e-mailed me, trying to do buyout offers. I mean, what the fucking hell... I didn't put a reserve price, I didn't put a Buy it Now option... therefore, I paid $4 to post it so people could BID on it, not so they can e-mail me and ask to do everything I purposely did not set the listing up to do. It's just, blah... Dumb people. I've gotten an equal amount of people asking to trade accounts... and most of the time, they want to "trade" for an account that has 1 lvl 50 char, for my account with 2 lvl 50 chars, tons of resources and tradeskills... blah, I'm selling because I'm MOVING ON from the game, not because I plan on using the money to fund my next DAoC account...
But... blah. End rant, I guess. I've been polite in responding to all of those people (because, at first, it was flattering... now it's just annoying), though I'm slowly starting to lose my cool with them. At least the e-mails are starting to come in less and less. I am planning on taking a buyout offer, though, of $450. Only because that's been the highest, and the person seems really nice and what not. I don't feel like he's trying to scam me, and he agreed that when I do accept their offer (I told them I'd like a couple more days to feel my options out, and they said they didn't mind waiting, which is cool of them) that they are to bid the $450 on the auction, and I would close it right after, just so there's some "official" documentation of the trade.
Hrm... so. Today, I actually went out on my own to the library. I got 3 of Star Wars books (because me and Matt had talked about them alot while he was here. They sounded interesting, so I figured, why not) and I had tried to get an axolotl book, but it was currently only at the main Library. It's supposed to be coming in on Thursday, so that's nice - just a day after I get my last axie for a very long time
This also seems to be my exboyfriend week... Alan signed my guestbook yesterday, which just really wants to make me twitch. The fact that he feels he has the right to check up on me, no matter how much he feels the need to... it makes me want to move my site, and put it in hiding all over again. I don't want him knowing me now, or looking on me fondly. Yes, the last time we spoke, I did think that would be the last time... but to break that silence is just yet another promise that was broken. It makes me sick.
Andre also IMed me today. I had been talking to his friend Reggie earlier today about my DAoC account, and he said a friend of his had showed it to him earlier... and since that friend is a mutual friend of Andre, I figured that Andre had probably been sent the link. And, sure enough, he signed on and talked to me. I had imagined being angry with him, since I was the last time we had spoken, but I hid it on purpose, simply because I had tried being angry in the past, and it only left me feeling even more hollow. So... the "polite" route had worked for me last time, and by the time Andre IMed me again, I really had no more ill will toward him. Course, I found out today that he had actually broken it off with me last May to get back with his wife... which I am very glad that I didn't know back then. I had known Andre had moved to Brazil, but this was the first I had heard of it being not just him, but his wife and children as well. Surprisingly, this didn't effect me in any negative way.. even while I mulled over it later, like I tend to do with everything, I only felt a better understanding about the things he had said in previous conversations where I had just been confused before. I wasn't angry, or upset... though the only thing I was happy about was that I didn't know back then. I'm still not to the point where I'm "glad" it happened, even though it got me to where I am today, with Matt. It will probably be years and years until I really feel appreciative for all my relationship craters. The only one I'm happy about right now is Carl, though that is still hard for me to fully grasp. The 12 year old me is still too loud.
Course... everyone of those conversations or encounters or unwatend posting makes me realize just how much I love Matt. So in some ways, they're great. It's great to realize how much you love someone, and just how healthy the relationship is, all over again.
That's about it, I guess. I should probably go proof read what I've written, to make sure my sentences make sense (because they don't lot of the time)... but I don't really feel like it. There's too much of it and I'm too ready to start reading one of my books