Hooplah.Org

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I just sent Andre an e-mail. I’m not sure what it is I think I’m doing… it will make me dread all of tomorrow, because I will check my e-mail every now and then, looking for a response. But I seem to have this feeling of doubt… that I’ll check for the last time around 6PM, and it will still be empty from the last time I checked. And if that does happen, it’s not like it will hurt me or make me angry… I’ll just very quiet. Possibly have more strength to do what I claimed I would before.

When Michelle was here, I told her I had thought about calling him (and leaving a message… at the time when I thought of it, I assumed he wouldn’t asnwer his phone..) and now I was considering just e-mailing him. I told her I didn’t want to do it too soon… and she responded, “Well, you don’t want to wait too long, either.”

When I first thought of contacting him, I had some sort of intentions… I thought I could get something back. But it wasn’t meant to stay. I could be depressive and say I don’t really deserve something that good. But I’m working on convincing myself that I do. Maybe it will happen more often then. Maybe it’ll even be better.

Right now… I just don’t want to lose a friend. But my doubt is preparing me… I’m pretty sure I already have.

Purdy song:

Tracy Chapman – Be Careful Of My Heart

You and your sweet smile
You and your tantalizing ways
You and your honey lips
You and all the sweet things that they say
You and your wild wild ways
One day you just up and walked away
You left me hurting

But I can forgive you for that now
You taught me something
Something took half my life to learn
When you give all yourself away
Just tell them to be careful of your heart

Be careful of my heart, heart
Be careful of this heart of mine
Be careful of my heart, heart
It just might break and send some splinters flying
Be careful of my heart, heart
Be careful

You you you
You you you
You you you
Took my love
Thought you took it all

You you you
You you you
You you you
Took my love
And now you’re gone

But I’m not breaking down
And I’m not falling apart
I just lost a little faith
When you broke my heart
Given a chance I might try it again
But I wouldn’t risk it all this time

I’d save
A little love for myself
Enough for my heart to mend
A little love for myself
One day I just might love again
One day some sweet smile might turn my head
One day I just might give all myself away
One day
One day
One day