No Title Given
My last post was contradicting... said I could talk about it, but yet, I brought it up over and over. Maybe that's just my subconscious speaking more out at 4AM than it would on me normally... but what I had meant that there are no deep thoughts. But maybe that's because there is nothing deep about it.
In reality, all of this is probably a little selfish of me. When I reread my own writing, I give off this "vibe" of not caring about his situation... and maybe I have not acted like I do, either. But I worry about him... so very much 
I have wanted to ask his friends in the game how he is doing, have wanted to so badly. But I can't... because in addition to many other reasons, I'm terrified of them saying he's fine...
But maybe that's me being selfish again. Or maybe... it's the fear that I was optional. Or that maybe this has all happened for the sake of nothing.
It was the night before I sent Andre the e-mail, that was the last time I cried... and I had not even had the urge to since then, I think. But tonight, while I was eating cereal and watching a movie, I just started crying. Only two tears... it cut on and off so randomly. Was not even thinking.
I think I'm going to start working out, or something. I feel horrible about my body and I have nothing to do with my time... besides, when I went to the doctor the other day she said my heartbeat was almost twice as fast as it should be, since it was 113 and normal for my age group is 70-80. She was in disbelief after taking it once, so she took it again. Apparently she had made me nervous, since it rose to 120. Yeah, maybe I'll do that.
Or probably I won't.