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Acknowledgement: I am happy. Feels so different, so profound, for some reason... I'm grooving and studying to tunes like:
Blink 182 - Stay Together For the Kids
Alien Ant Farm - Movies
P.O.D - Youth Of The Nation
Jewel - Standing Still
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Ehh. Did laundry yesterday. 3 weeks worth, and I'll probably do more tomorrow, after I'm done with my exams. Ugh. I have to study, study, study today. I hope no one drops by... I wanted to do so much more yesterday, but everyone seemed to be dropping by my room. I feel bad telling them to get out... Ugh. I'll just have to. Like, lock the door so that they can't just walk in, I'll have to answer, and then tell them I'm deep into studying. I need to do something about this stupid test... So much to MEMORIZE. You can't just have an understanding - it's all terms and shit. Ugh. 4 pages worth of hand written summaries of all my notes. Yuck.
Was talking to Alan yesterday. He had gone shopping with her as part of his Christmas present. While they were out, they made plans for me to go shopping with them sometime while I was there. I'm sure it'll go by fine, but I'll be anxious about it until it is over with. His mother never really liked me... She didn't like that I was so quiet, because she thought that made me a bad match for Alan. I'm getting to me more and more myself around Alan everytime I see him. I'm not sure why... I wonder if he sees me as being a different person now, or just now beginning to see the person he knew was there all along. I wonder if his mother will notice? Or if I'll be comfortable enough to show it. I dunno. From everything Alan says, she seems to be encouraging us, which is nice. Really nice. I was just thinking, and I've only met her on two occasions in my life. One during which we were doing alright, and one that we broke up shortly after... Maybe Alan's been saying really great things about me. Well, actually, I am sure he is, but maybe Alan's mom is believing him. Maybe she sees it in his eyes? Ehh, too many questions and concerns.
Alan mentioned that he saw something yesterday that would make my frogs look like toys. He mentioned maybe buying me one for Christmas that he would keep until he moves here, eee. I like animals 
Makes me wonder if it goes in a cage... Or maybe a house pet type animal. One fleeting thought that just came to my mind was a ferret... Because we always used to plan that we would have albino ferrets running around 
Ehh, probably not, but a cute thought.
Blah.. I guess I've got to study now. Fucking ick.
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Eee, I spent about 2 hours talking with one of my suitemates, Erica. We talked about classes (turns out we both have the same [evil] sculpture teacher, but she doesn't think he's all that evil) and boyfriends (she was shocked about mine and Alan's relationship) and why I came down here in the first place. She was really, really awesome to talk to. I found myself being more myself with her in a short period of time than I usually do with people. Very hella cool. I hope I get to hang out with her again.
I remember feeling so uncomfortable when I first moved down here. I guess I did feel uncomfortable when I first moved upstairs, too, but look how that turned out - I got two great friends, Sarita and Kelly. Everyone in this little unit is awesome, including my roommate (a big improvement from before.) It'll make next semester very, very nice. Sarita is leaving on Wednesday, and Kelly on Friday... Even if I do make new friends, I don't know what I'm going to do without them. 
After we talked, I went and took a shower. At 1AM! That's a first for me here.. I did basically nothing today in terms of studying. I guess I've got tomorrow to for that, as well as Tuesday, when I have no exams. I spent today writing an outline for my English exam, and I think just thinking about the terms and the works that we reviewed in class will help better prepare me for answering very similar question on the test.
SOMETHING GREAT! I was talking to Erica about my academic suspension thing, and she thought it was odd that I would be on it for the first semester. She was saying how it usually did not take effect until the following semester. So, I still had my letter that I had gotten back after midterms in my drawer, and she took one look at it and pointed out clearly that I had misunderstood the words (probably due to the fact that I was really hyped up and nervous about academic anything) which said "if you continue your present level of academic achievement, you will be subject to academic suspension at the end of the semester." Meaning, I would just start being on it THEN, not getting the consequences. I mean, fucking awesome. I have been worrying myself sick about whether or not I could bring my grade up enough to get a 2.0, with the two F's I have sitting on my grade. And it turns out I can... Ugh, the relief is just indescribable.
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I had such a yucky, horrible day yesterday. Ugh, I felt soooo nasty... Not that I feel much better, but at least I'm only down to a headache (which could be credited to a caffeine headache from sleeping.) Friday night, Sarita, Kelly, Michelle, and I got Britt to buy us some vodka from the local ABC store. We actually went with him inside of the store... I was really surprised at how pretty some of the bottles were. When we got to the little sample bottles, or whatever they're supposed to be called, I continued to rave about how cute they were. And, of course, that's when Sarita leaned close to my ear and said that I should try to keep cool to be not suspicious. WTF. I can say the bottles are pretty if I damn want to... It doesn't mean that I'm starting to give them all away, or something. Sarita always has a way of doing that... Maybe she doesn't see me as very mature, or just expects that anything I do (since I'm not as experienced, or whatever) is immature. At least I wasn't being as obvious as Britt and Michelle, who were looking through the bottles, with her asking which ones were good, asking when she should give him the money, and then having Britt pay for everything she just picked out. The guy running the register was right behind the stand for the tiny bottles, watching and listening to us... Sarita should have whispered something to Michelle :ehh:
Anyway.
We got back to Kelly and Sarita's room, like usual. For some reason, their room seems much longer than any other rooms... Possibly because of the couch (which Michelle will have next semester.) It just makes the room good for drinking... Especially for me, with my walking around complex. So, we were hanging out in the hallway, talking and what not to Sevetta (who had just come out of my exroommate's room). Sarita asked Sevetta if my exroommate had mentioned anything to her about being here next semester, and Sevetta said no. Odd. If someone like my exroomate had decided to stay, she would be telling EVERYONE. But, she has only told me thus far. Although I can see some gratification on her part, it doesn't make sense to only share such "good" news with me. If she were smart, she would make sure to lay it on thick with the mutual friends we have, like Sevetta. But she has yet to do that. Very, very interesting. Sarita swears that it means she's not really leaving, but just told me that to freak me out. And it did freak me out, since we were supposed to have English with each other next semester. But maybe it'll work out. "Good things come to those who wait."
We invited Sevetta to come by later and drink with us, since she was on a mission for food at the time, and we were going to go ahead and start. Before drinking, we were messing around, and both Sarita and I had cameras and were taking pictures. I got a good few of us drinking, and us taking shots, and a "before" shot of the shit we were drinking. We had gotten 4 of the cute little bottles, one for each of us, and then this large (don't know sizes) one of some orange flavored vodka. It was the cheap kind, but we had gotten the somewhat expensive kind in the tiny bottles. Sarita had gotten some tequila stuff, both Kelly and Michelle had the orange, and Michelle had picked out a lemon-lime flavor for me, as she remembered me liking that one best since I think it covers up the taste more. Both Sarita and Michelle were basically guzzling the shit... With both me and Kelly only doing sips. I just couldn’t drink all that much at once. In the little bottles, there had to be about a shot and 1/2, or possibly two. We all continued to drink, and I think I ended up with a total of 4 or 5, Kelly about two or three, Sarita ended up getting about 7 before the night was over, and Michelle probably had about the same. That night was a slight blur for me to really think about. The only thing I really remember is doing a yoga move with Sarita, one which made my stomach feel like a line of pain all of yesterday, and still today, and I only did it for about 2 minutes. It's got my stomach muscles responding more than any amount of sit-ups I have every done. But, that's all I remember... I do know most of what happened, but not clearly and specifically. I remember most after I laid down on the couch, since I had gotten a little motion sickness from moving around so much. I had to lay on my side, which felt like the best position to keep me from throwing up, or to settle my stomach faster. Still, as a caution, they put the trash can beside me (yay.) I remember Sevetta coming in sometime around then. She sat down at the end of the couch, next to my feet, and I remember her bouncing around on it. Heh, it was almost like being on a rocking boat, but I didn't get sick. I remember one time she completely flopped her hands and arms on my legs, and started to shake me a little, asking if I was... Something. I just remember saying that I was fine. Then, after that, I remember nothing... I'm not sure whether I passed out, or simply went to sleep. Sarita at once point decided to start poking me in the butt, from what I've been told. They all thought it was funny, since I didn't really do anything. Maybe sort of groaned, if anything. They tried tickling my feet, too, but all I did was stur slightly more and make more noise. I did not remember any of that, though... I ended up waking up around 12:30 or so, and everyone was gone by then except for Sarita and Kelly. Kelly got a phone call then, and her boyfriend was back from North Carolina, so she was going over there. hehe, naughty Kelly. She went down for a smoke before she left, though. That left me and Sarita just hanging around. Sarita was having problems breathing... Like she was hyperventilating. She said she did that every time she drank, and I remembered her doing it maybe once before. It would be quiet, as I would be trying to go back to sleep, and she would ask me where Kelly was. I told her she was outside smoking. Sarita proceeded to ask me where Kelly was about 2 other times, and both of those times I simply responded "smoking." When Kelly got back, I told her about Sarita's questions, and me and Sarita started arguing about whether or not she asked me three times or one. I remember three... Of course she would only remember one, that's why she had to ask me three times. She had forgotten the other two. But, anyway, Kelly told us to stop fighting because we were friends, and we did. Then, Kelly left for good, and I feel asleep again. I heard her come back, which I guess was around 2 (or possibly later, I'm not sure.) Then, a couple more hours later, there was a shit load of noise in the hallway. I knew who it was at the time, but I didn’t really pay all that much attention. I ended up waking up sometime around 9-ish, and leaving right after Sarita got out of the shower. I took the elevator down to my room... And I noticed it was covered in water, all in the middle. I assumed that it was from a super soaker, since I've seen them running around, trying to get each other with it before. Still, I avoided putting my feet in it. I came back in, and laid down on my bed, until about 11. I was up and walking around then, but I still felt very, very nauscious. Sarita came by... When I had left her, she was supposed to be about ready to start packing. She came down to tell me that she was angry because someone had pissed in the elevator, and she really needed it to help bring her stuff down. I was surprised that I had not noticed that what was in he elevator was piss... Mainly because I couldn't make a smell difference, because the thought had crossed my mind. Sarita could smell it, and said she was going to kick whoever's ass did it. It was probably one of the group who was out in the hallway last night, making all of that fucking noise. But, Alan signed online, and I gave Sarita cheese crackers to help settle her stomach, since she was feeling hella sick. I ate some, too. Alan was online, around 12:30ish, but Sarita needed to start moving her stuff then, so I said I would help. It didn't really take us all that long... she was gone by 1:15ish. She was just taking the bulk of her stuff home, so she won't have so much to take on Wednesday.
The rest of my day, I spent in bed, basically. I slept sooo much, and studied sooo little. I had dinner with Dave and Nadia, since Nadia was here for the weekend and I never get to see her anymore. They came by my room, and she had never seen my frogs before. Actually, that time that they came by my room was around 2, and I did not remember when Dalton closed until we were actually standing in front of the entrance, looking that the closed door. Whoops. I went back to my room (after picking up a Christmas card for my new roommate and grabbing some cotton candy) and then, I went right back to bed until about 5-ish. Just my luck, Nadia called me then to go get food (since Dave doesn't have any money to pay for her, she sort of depends on me for food while she's here.) We ate, and I came back to my room. Michelle wanted me to come up, and even though I really, really didn't feel like it, I did. I hung out up there for a little while, watched a good part of "A Christmas Story" (since I did not remember ever seeing the beginning, but I remembered the Santa part). But, 1/2 way through I needed to come downstairs and use the bathroom, since Michelle's suitemate was in there and I needed to go THEN, because my stomach was hella pissed off. I ended up staying down there for the rest of the night. Michelle came downstairs at one point to use my camera to take pictures for some guy who just ended up disappointing her... yeah, fuck him. I stayed in here until Alan signed online, and I bought 2 things of Doritos with my laundry money, and they made my stomach feel alot better in the end. I talked more to Alan, about sex and what not (I'm such a horny hoe now, ehh) and actually did some of my English homework.
I went to bed around 1:30ish, I guess. Woke up around 10. Been writing all of this since. In less than 24 hours I'm going to have my English exam... I need to finish my study sheet and get everything down flat by 8AM tomorrow. My first final exam of the week... eep.
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Alan just helped make my evening even worse. It started out with my exroommate telling me over IM (or, she thought she was telling Michelle to tell me, but didn't realize that it was my screen name) that she was going to be here next semester after all (very depressing.) Then, I went up to Michelle's room to vent with Sarita... And Alan signed online. It was late... I had basically given up hope in seeing him online tonight. I bought up the same topic from yesterday, because it has been bugging me. He just got furious the more we talked about it, and then he did that thing THAT I HATE when he just signs off, and leaves me just haning, and feeling even worse. Just left, hanging, alone, with the only person I want to comfort me just gone away and angry with me. It's the worse feeling in the world, because all I want to do is cry when it happens. Why is he so intolerant of everything. He did not even give me a chance to explain why I am being so anal... I know I probably shouldn't have been so anal to being with, but I am just so afraid of him not telling me everything. He waited until the end of the conversation to tell me that he did not even remember whta we were taling about yesterday... Which doesn't mean that whatever it was is not bothering him anymore, but that... I don't know. Maybe it would not have made a difference. Mainly, the only thing that was fueling me to keep talking to him about it was him stating "for you" before everything, as in, there is a whole separate category of things that I can know about, and i can't know about the rest. Ughghg. I probably should not be writing about this right now, because I can't think any logic into what I want to say. What I really mean. I just keep sounding like I am 16 again. I am just hurt and upset. And disappointed further... that the thing I thought was so perfect is not so perfect. Not so much anymore.