No Title Given
I tried to do some yoga a little while ago, around 2. I purchased some videos for it the day after Christmas... One for beginners, one for lower body, and one for abs. Sarita got me into wanting to do it... I just hope I'm going about it the right way. 
I watched the beginners one all the way through (or, until it got to the part where I couldn't do it anymore. Apparently there are poses that cannot be done while a woman is on her period... the introverted poses, or whatever.) I figured today would be a good day, with my father in bed and my mother gone. I went about 1/2 way through the tape, which was probably about 15 minutes worth. When I had watched it through, I remembered thinking that it did not look that hard. I ended up almost falling over and in general just losing my balance for most of the standing poses. I felt really calm afterwards, though... It sounds so stereotypical, and I'm annoyed because that is how they described how the feeling would be all during the video (repetition is not my friend) but that was really the only word for it... Not mentally calm, but physically. It was nice... we'll see if I feel anything tomorrow.
I started the video twice, because after I had started the first time, the phone rang, and it was Alan. I had been thinking about calling his phone and leaving a message... When I told him that while we were talking, he asked if it would have been a good or bad message. I said good... Honest truth, too. The conversation was odd... I can't really talk about it, because if I do, I'll get out of the good mindset that I am in now. I'm making the effort to keep happy, be above it... Got to keep on track and keep trying. I've been writing too much, that's the problem. Must refrain from that. But, anyway, we talked. He had lain down last night while we were talking, since I was not happy and not saying much, and he fell asleep. I figured that is what he had done, since it was almost 2AM and he had not responded for about two hours. He woke up around 5 not realizing just how long he had slept. He told me he hasn't had a cigarette in a week or so. I'm not sure if that's good or bad... I don't really want him to stop things he may enjoy just because I do not like them. He said it was bad for his health, anyway. I told him there were worse things for this health, and he said for me not to push it, since he assumed I was talking about pot. I corrected him, and told him driving was dangerous, too... since I was trying to be cute. Yeah. Told him a very, very small portion of a conversation with my mother about how I have been feeling... I asked her if I should break up with Alan. I didn't tell him that part, just that I had asked my mother for advice. For her response, she was using "code", since my dad was in the living room watching TV... She asked me if it was like the fourth of July. I looked at her odd, and she gave me that, "you know what I'm talking about" look... I still really didn't know, but eventually I guessed sex. I told her yeah... that now it was like that. When I told Alan that part over the phone, he was like, "it wasn't before?" And I told him before it wasn't good... And he said, "Because it was forced." I feel bad that that's how he thinks I perceive it, because there were times that I liked it, too. It was just the anger he had toward me when I did not want to... I corrected him and said, "no, timing was just off." And a lot of other stuff. Anyway. My mother said, "well..." Hmm. Apparently my mother thinks that if the sex is good, I should stay. Interesting. So, I asked her, did that mean my father meets up to those expectations. She just gave me a look accompanied with the response, "surprisingly enough, sometimes, yeah." eww. Goodness, I never saw my mother had a horn ball.
Alan apologized that we have been fighting the past couple of days. I told him it was my fault. He agreed, and said he wasn't omitting me from the blame, but that some of it was his fault, too. I still told him no, that it was me. He said he knew, and that he was trying to be sweet.
I just don’t want to think about it anymore. I am just glad he called me. It grounded me.
This was written very, very poorly.