No Title Given
Blah. I have nothing freaking else to do, so I'm writing here. I really, really don't want to... Jesus, I don't. I can almost feel the resistance in my stomach, I just don't. I hate having to do a lot... There are things I wish I could write about, but because I slacked off, they're just not important enough. There is ONE thing, and only really ONE thing that deserves mention, but it's in the from of an e-mail that I sent to my parents (that I'm actually just about to write). Here we go:
The main thing that I should talk about is the situation with Jenn, as it has reached a rather awkward stage. The very day I talked to mom is the day that Jenn had her last "talk" with the RA, Meranda. I had not gone to talk to her, because logically, there's nothing I could say to help the situation. I was just going to talk to Jenn. I didn't think that would do much good, either, but I figured it would at least be more effective (if not more satisfying) to beat out the problems one on one. I'm not sure what I said to her to start the conversation, but she had just gotten back from a meeting with Meranda, and I figured the issue would be fresh in her mind. Indeed it was, as she said she had been wanting to talk to me about the situation. (The reason why she wanted to talk NOW, and not at all when these problems were developing? Because Meranda had just told her she couldn't be moved, because of all of the tripples, and that the only other option left was to talk it out with me. Great, huh?)
The conversation was long... Spanning over a good hour or so, broken up in between when she went to get food. I found out all of the things about me that she was having problems with... The most obvious was our differences in the activities we did after dark, her being that she likes (and is used to, with a curfew of 2 or 3 AM) people being in the room at all times of the night, while I would prefer everyone to be gone at 10. Also... She had told me this once, threw an IM, to keep people off of her stuff. To me, "off of her stuff" means not going threw her drawers, sleeping in her bed, taking her stuff out of the room without asking... more or less dramatic stuff, because she lead me to believe that we were sharing a lot of the materials in the room. But to her, this meant sitting on her bed, touching things on her desk, and shit like that. I told this to mom over the phone on Wednesday, but there's an added bonus to it: it was my friends who were doing this. And when she saw my friends doing this, what did she ask herself? She asked, "Why is Chrisy doing this???" and she told me a couple of times when she almost cried because of something my friends were doing, and then blamed me. (When she spoke to Meranda, she didn't mention that it was my friends doing all the touching and messing... She just made it simple and blamed me.) People sit at my computer all the time, as well as lay on my bed... It was never an issue THEN, oh no... But, anyway. During this conversation we were having, she decided to bring up a cute little fact about how people feel about me in this hall. Jenn said that none of her friends like to come in here because I give them funny looks. Her friends come in, they don't say hi to me, or anything even the tiniest bit civil... Yet I'm supposed to shower them with love and affection. They give me funny looks, too, but I don't hold it against them. I just glance at them, with nothing "evil" on my mind, but she was saying that there's something about the way I look at people that gives them the creeps, but then my hole "face lights up" when I smile. She said she would bring strangers into the room, and when it was time for them to go back inside, she said they would refuse to because of me. When she was explaining this to me the second time, I almost cried, because even though I had acknowledged that it might be a good idea for us to move out, the whole thing with me having the reputation of the freak with the creepy stare was very upsetting. It was then she said that she would tell her friend, Brownyn, to just tell everyone else I had a personal problem with people being in the room at night (which was how I had explained my problem with people being in the room late at night... a "personal problem") and that was supposed to make it ok. Like that would make me feel better... Being the freak with the personal problem that causes her to have a creepy stare. Something else... She seemed to stress that she thought it was weird that I found out about her wanting to move out, when supposeivly she only spoke to 2 people about it at 2 different times, and had only met with Meranda once. I knew that was a lie, because our suitemates had started to lock their door to keep her out of the room because of how much she was coming in and complaining about me. They think I'm nice, and they don't know what her problem is. Just by that example, I know she has been talking about me to everyone. Later during the conversation, I tried to make it more apparent to her that I KNEW she was lieing to me, and said that when I told someone that I knew that she wanted to move out, their response was "Oh, you know about Jenn?" like it was some sort of deep secret that they didn't expect me to know. Which was the truth. Jenn seemed surprised, if not shocked, and told me she didn't know why they would respond that way. Such bullshit.
Another reason why she decided to talk to me about this was because she a friend, Carly, who is also having trouble with her roommate. This is the girl that Jenn had originally wanted to room with, but had thought that she would get into too many arguments with and decided not to. Well, anyway, supposively Carly's roommate gives people the same dirty look as I do, and Jenn thought that maybe that meant me and her dislike people in the same way. She was talking about arranging a meeting between me and this girl that night, but she couldn't really get ahold of Carly. Jenn was very nice (and controlling) over the conversation... We even talked about who would be the one to move out, and I said that since she is the one with the problem, and she didn't want to try to work it out, that in all fairness she should be the one to leave. She agreed with this. It was just a weird conversation... We agreed that it wasn't working, and I was expecting to meet this girl sometime the next day.
Didn't happen that way, though.
Around 9:30, Jenn left for some kind of party. I didn't really mind, because I just hung out with the suitemates, who were really supportive of me. They're so nice, although, I am sure I got pretty close with abusing their kindness, because I kept coming in and staying. Anyway, after a nice, quiet Wednesday night, I got into bed around 12:00. Around 12:15 or so, I heard a key moving in the door. It seemed to not be working, and whoever it was trying to get in, left. I assumed someone was so high/drunk that they had picked the wrong door. After a few moments, one of our suitemates, Kelly, came into the room and said that Jenn was so drunk she couldn't even put the key in the door properly, and when she couldn't, she had retreated to Jamie's (a pot head)'s room. I laughed a little and asked, "I don't have to carry her, do I?" and she left and I rolled over, trying to ignore it. A little bit later, I heard Jenn in the bathroom with Kelly and Serita (other suitemates), as she had given up on the door and had gone threw Kelly and Serita's door. Jenn had somehow fallen on her way back from wherever, and had messed up her knee (torn her pants, too). Kelly was playing doctor and was putting a band-aid on her. I had gotten up, to see what she looked like, and was leaning by the door frame watching. her hair was messed up, and other than the fact that she was slouching and swaying back a little, she looked perfectly normal. Suddenly, Jenn started to get upset at herself for being that drunk (she did a lot in 3 hours, huh?) and put her head in her hands, and Kelly hugged her and gave me a weird "What the fuck?" look. (Both Kelly and Serita like Jenn, but they don't agree with her choice of actions... Especially concerning me, so they have very mixed opinions of her.) Eventually they had walked Jenn over to the bed, but she wanted Kelly to lay with her for a while, and she did. She was perfect in this situation; I know I wouldn't have been able to handle it nearly half as good. Kelly just sat there, speaking softly as she stroked Jenn's hair and arm. Me and Serita sat on my bed and sort of watched in disbelief. I've never seen anyone drunk... And it wasn't like I expect, that was for sure. I was talking to Serita, talking about how I was glad she hadn't thrown up on the floor (although, she was still awake, so there was still time). I'm not sure how long it took until I started paying attention to what Jenn was saying, because she was very quiet at first. I mostly heard Kelly, saying "You guys can talk about it in the morning." and Jenn was like, "No, I feel so bad.." Her volume increased inbetween her sobs, and she was saying stuff like, "I'm so mean, I'm such a bad roommate, she's so nice, I don't want her to get a new roommate, what's wrong with me, I'm such a bitch, she's been so nice to me." Stuff like that. I can't remember them all. I was sitting there, very much disturbed by hearing this... Almost crying myself. Just the sight of her, curled up on the bed with Kelly leaning over her. I knew I should say something, and I tried to think of what it would sound like coming from me. I couldn't get the right words, or the right tone in my head to say it to her... And also, a small part of me wanted to her KNOW that what she was saying was true. I tried to convince myself that she didn't know I was there, and odds are, she probably didn't. I felt for sorry for her at that moment, though. She seemed so pathetic, it made it hard for me to be mad at her because of what was happening or what had been happening. In truth, I've never really been that mad... More or less shocked and upset by it. Serita said, "I think you should tell her that you know she's sorry." I didn't know how to say this... I even felt awkward standing up, which I did shortly after that. Then, I just stood there, watching and listening. Serita made a move before me, going over to sit on the bed. Jenn kept asking, "Why are you guys being so nice to me?" Kelly said once, "Because we're nice people." When I finally got the balls, when she asked that again, I said, "because we care about you", and started to rub her leg in what (I hoped) was a comforting gesture. Kelly said to Jenn, "Hey look whose up.." which was great of her to cover for me like that. We all stayed with her, and I eventually moved where Serita was after she moved on to the floor. Jenn had turned into a regular snot factory, and I told her, but she didn't laugh. She was blowing her nose just by putting a finger over one nostril, which was gross, but I never moved - just looked away. She did a couple of other gross things that I think I'll keep to myself, since there not all that attractive. There were times when she would be so close to calming down, but then a thought would trigger her fit all over again. I remember at one point, she was trying to calm herself down and exhaling threw her mouth. It was a motion of someone completely exhausted, and looking at her while she was doing that made me realize how her mother could love her. She looked so vulnerable. Shortly after that, around 1:30AM, Kelly and Serita snuck out, since it seemed that Jenn had passed out. I was left in the dark, watching her, thinking how she turned completely infantile that night. She reminded me of a 4 year old. Amazing, being that she had been so controlling and commanding in the moving out conversation not 4 hours earlier. Serita said that alcohol makes people realize how stupid the things they worry about are when they're sober. I was glad that the thing she chose to realize when she was drunk was about me, and how truly mean she had been.
Since then, we have not spoken about it. I don't really know what to say. Things have been going more smoothly between us. I'm not sure if I want to bring anything up. She has been the driving force behind moving out, and for it to just stop... Maybe she wants to try to keep it how it is. Jenn's not my favorite person in the world, but it's better than getting a new roommate... Who, in truth, might not be at all like me. She just might be a bitch.
No Title Given
I suppose I should write... I've been somewhat dreading it, as I always do when I've missed time. But, hell, how about this. This will make me feel allot better. I'll post all the things I had written about things that happened a week ago, or even a few days ago. That way, I'll be able to continue without bother. Here we go:
Written August 26th
Blah.. I left off on last Friday? Damn. Oh well... It's become such a little fog in my memory that it could probably be said in limited space. I would hope so, anyway.
After Dave left me at my dorm, I had made plans with Michelle at the fire drill the night before to do our laundry together after her last class for the day, which she said was at 2:45. I called around 2:55 when she had not called me yet (we exchanged phone numbers during the fire drill, as well) and left a message with her roommate with the thick accent (she's from London.) Around 3:10 or so I got a call back, and told her I could meet her down there in 10 minutes. Our laundry rooms are all the way down in the basement, and there are about 10 washers and 10 dryers, I guess, each costing $.75. I was going to use my RU express card, since I'm trying to make good use of the $200 they put on it. I used my card for Michelle, too, since she didn't have the money (I don't think? I can't remember exactly the reason. Maybe she didn't have quarters, or whatever.) and let her use some of my detergent biscuits (I'm not sure what they're really called - I just think of a biscuit whenever I see/think of them) and dryer sheets. Hell if I care, I'm usually pretty damn generous over material things. While we were washing our laundry, I talked her into going up to the club fair, since washing took 26 minutes, and I think drying was about 55. We did a full lap around the activities, looking at everything. We got two frisbees and a little tension ball that's in the shape of the earth, as well as some sample hair-care products. That's all I can remember right now. I signed up for the bowling club, which should be fun, although, I brought neither my bowling ball nor my bowling shoes. Heh. It's about time I signed up for a sport, though. Now I can be a jock! 
haha. Michelle signed up for a lot of things, most of which I can't remember, either. When we were done with the Laundry, we came up to my room, I think. Dave was talking to me online, and wanted to know if I wanted to go to Wal-Mart with him and Nadia. Nadia, his girlfriend, was down for the weekend from Tech, and was there to go with him to the club fair (but they ended up missing it.) I said maybe, and just told them to come by, since it was on the way to their car, anyway. Me and Michelle were hanging out, doing something... Can't remember what, when Dave and Nadia came by. I noted that she was really pretty, and had a nice smile. She seemed pretty cool. They ended up going shorty after, since I didn't go with them. Me and Michelle ended up looking at Jenn's pictures, and then watching the movie "Bring It On" while eating ice cream. Then we went for a walk around campus, since it was nice weather and we can walk in groups and still be "safe." (there have been so many rapes it's scary...) When we came back, I think we just went back to our rooms.
I spent the weekend with Dave and Nadia, basically. They were pretty cool people, and look hella cute together. I went with Dave and Nadia when they were dropping her off at Tech, because I had never seen it before. Personally, I thought the school was kind of ugly... Very ugly, actually. It looked like a bad New England town. Or, village might be a better word. The buildings all looked the same... It made me really like Radford, with all the character these buildings have. We were in her room for a while, and it was so cramped. Their rooms are about the size of our bathrooms, with the walls taken out. I was talking to my suitemate, Serita, and she said that Radford had the biggest dorm rooms in the state. Oh, fuck yeah. And for less money, too. I remember driving home with Dave, but I don't really remember us doing anything after that. He came by my room, but left soon after.
End
Blah... Now I've lost my umph. I'll try agian later.