No Title Given
Written at 3:15PM
I have never been so TIRED in classes before. All I wanted to do was come back here... I kept yawning and moving my legs, like crossing and uncrossing them. I got to come back in between American Government and Geometry, which probably made it even worse in terms of not wanting to be there. I have decided that I don't much care for my Geometry teacher. The way he thinks, and the way he asks the students to do something is what I would expect a normal college teacher (or professor? I'll never know which) to do, but it confuses me and makes me not even want to try. I just want to wait until the class discussion that he squeezes out of us happens and an answer he would consider "correct" comes out.
I'm really, really bummed. When I got home, I did some stuff online, listened to music... Basically activities that I would consider hallow, since there were a number of things I would rather do. I got my lunch by eating some cookies, because I didn't have anyone to accompany me to any of the halls for lunch. Dave said yesterday (before he left at 8PM, saying he had an 8AM class... I thought that a little odd) I should look for him online... Today is the big day, when he gets all of his stuff (computer, carpet, fridge), as well as his girlfriend paying him a visit. I'm pretty sure it's her that's bringing all of this stuff of his, although, I don't know how she could fit it in addition to hers. For a moment, around 12:30 or so, I saw him sign online. I felt relieved, because I really didn't want to spend all day alone again... I normally like only having a few friends, and staying true to form, I have only made one good friend here, which is him. He signed off a minute, or possibly not even 30 seconds, after he signed on. Heart dropped. I was pretty damn bummed. And the worse part is, I can't really do anything like I want, like compulsively call him and ask him what he's doing and take the initiative to get some plans rolling (even though I did and no one answered), because even though it's only been a day that I haven't seen him, we were spending basically all possible free time we both had around each other. Even if we were tired, just come over and lay down in the same room. Going cold turkey from that makes me think something's wrong... It would with any of my friends. I think I'm so antsy about it because it's something new, and I'm scared of losing it here in this new place. I've been thinking if I did something exceptionally nasty or annoying or dislikable and I'm not really coming up with anything... Things were odd on Tuesday, I'll give it that. More physical than what would be considered normal. It started when we were just sitting on his bed, and I was picking at my nail polish at a quiet moment, and he reached out and took my hand and asked me what I was doing. He studied the damage I had done to the polish, and I started to look at his own fingers, which looked close to perfect. I never understood how people could have fingers like that. He played with my hair a lot, picking it up and studying it and trying to tie it in knots. After that... I'm not quite sure the actions that followed. It's been two days, and things start to blend together a little, especially if you have been thinking about them a lot. I know TJ and some other girl came in and out of the room numerous times. It was funny to listen to him - TJ certainly has his moments. Later on, I had been laying on TJ's bed (which he has never slept in, and certainly never under the covers) and Dave was on his. He looked over at me... I'm not sure what it is, but he has this look he can give. I've tried to stare back at it, but it only ended with him turning away. So, this time I just smiled at him and turned my head. I thought of something to say... Something fun.. And decided to bring my flexibility into the mix, since I had been dieing to show someone that. I asked him he could do anything weird... Like a hidden talent. He sort of rolled over a little with his eyes covered, but I could see the smile on his face. I showed him all my stuff, and grossed him out... Goodness, I missed that from high school. Then, more blur... At one point he turned into a punk and sent my shoe flying under his bed; he just grabbed them and shot them under him, letting them slap against the wall. Then, yet some more blur... He went to the bathroom, and when he came back, he brought some magazines back from the bathroom. I thought this was rather nasty, and told him - magazines, especially magazines such as "Cozmo" and "Stuff" with a 1/2 naked Jennifer Lopezes on them from a men's bathroom is nasty. It was then he flopped down on the bed behind me. I sat up, and grabbed the "Stuff magazine, as I had never heard of one before and decided I would look around threw it, because earlier in the day he had tried to change his subscription. He then seemed to coil up around me, and was looking over my right side, probably near my hip level. He told me what page to go to, as that was where he left off. It was something about relationship survival topics, and I was almost a little shocked at the things they decided to give advice upon. But, we were reading and laughing. Sometimes he would lightly pull back my hair when it draped in his way. The second day we were hanging out, I think, he told me I had pretty hair. Flattering... I think I wrote about that already, though. The whole situation had me sitting a little stiff. We kept reading, and before he was half reaching over me to mess with the pages on my left side. At one point, though, I felt him tap my left arm, and I instinctively raised it, and the wrapped his arm around and I think he grabbed the left hand side of the magazine and held it, or something... he did something, I don't know what. I tried my best to ignore it. Sometimes, when I was reading, I would see, and almost feel, him looking up at me out of the corner of my eye. I didn't make eye contact back, though... Just let him think I didn't see him, if that's what he thought. Then, at one point, we switched beds, and were back on his. I was sitting, yet again, and he was laying on my right on his back. A girl came in and asked if we were together.. I said no, and she asked, "Just having sex?", or something, and I replied, "just causal." He closed his eyes and started to laugh, and I reached out and messed with his his hair just above his brow. It was the first time I had touched his hair, and he had been touching my hair all evening. When TJ came in and started looking at crap on the internet, he sort of rolled over into... well, my lap. He had his right arm laying on my left leg, since I was sitting 1/2 indian style, and he cupped his hand around my knee. When he did this, I put my left arm on his back/shoulder as am arm rest. With my hand that close to his back, and with me usually being around Stephen like we were, I had this urge to rub his back. So, I was sly, and stared to mess with the arm scheme of his shirt, lightly pinching it. I progressed until I was moving my fingers all over his upper back, all while keeping a decent conversation with TJ (or just making comments like "shit" and crap, since being around TJ just seems to make you want to swear more). I would look down at Dave and his eyes would be next to closed, but I would see him blink them. If he's anywhere near normal he was getting lost in the feeling, because I know that's what I would do. I did that for about 10 minutes or so, counting the progressive time it took me to get started. When I was done, he stayed very still, and I could barley feel him moving his thumb in a stroking motion on my knee. It was very faint at first, as if he was not sure what he was doing or how to do it. It got more obvious after a while, and I even shot his hand a glance or two to see if it was what it felt like. Around 9-ish, we were hungry, so he fished my shoes out from under the bed and since the Dahlton hall was closed, we trudged all the way over to Muse.
He was hyper as freaking hell during dinner. He went ape shit over some ice cream, and fussed over the fact that they didn't have any ice cream cones. He got his ice scream in a to go cup, and also got a sub made (which he thought was so damn neat). He put the sub in my book bag, but I was carrying the pizza in my hand that he wanted, and they wouldn't let me leave with it. Had to throw it away, but at least he was still packing the sub. When we were walking back, we were moving very slow, even though I wanted to watch The Real World at 10, and I was trying my best to rush him. He was carrying my book bag/purse, since I had come there right after Art and it was full of crap. It also had his sub in it, so he was keeping it close. He was taking his time eating the damn thing of ice cream he got - he filled the cup, and then piled what could have amounted to another cup on top of that. He was eating it, and by the time we reached his dorm, he looked like a penis. I made the observation, and I was telling him, "You know what that looks like?" and he said "A PENIS" really loud, which a goofy ass grin. He can be a real trip.
Anyway, we got back, and I watched my show. He stayed on the computer, and I looked over his shoulder as he talked to some people. He went home by 10:30.
No Title Given
Grr... I was going to take a picture of the message that my "Korean lover" wrote (no doubt in a drunken daze from the party last night, as Jenn told me she observed) on my dry erase board. When Jenn came in this morning, she went past me and asked me if I had read that yet, which I had, not 5 minutes before she arrived. Then, when she was out in the hallway talking to the guy across the hall, I thought I should take a picture now because otherwise the guy would probably see me do it (since from where he sits he can see everything going on in the hall). But, after Jenn was done talking to him about whatever and I went over there and saw he was gone from his usual seat, the message had been erased. The only thing I can think of is Jenn must have asked him about it, and he must have told her to take it off. Blah. It would have been funny... It didn't say anything bad, just for me to go across the hall whenever to see him, with "XOXO" at the bottom next to his name. His name is Jhoy-Tak, I think. I think. I can't remember exactly...
No Title Given
eeee... I'm lacking on updates. I had started writing something about the 21st, but the day was so long and there were things that I wanted to write in a certain way, and it just never got done. I don't have much time now, either, because even though I woke up at 7 for my 9:30 class (set the alarm wrong) when Jenn got back this morning after a party last night, she claimed the shower just a minute after she came into the door, after asking me when I was going to take one and replied, "in a couple of minutes." She's been in there 20 minutes, now, I think.
But, for a recap of yesterday and the "issues" I had, Dave was at a friend's house, the very one I thought of. He told me to look for him online tomorrow... Which I can't tell if he likes talking on the internet more, of it's a degrade of the friendship status. I could very well be too anal and paranoid about it altogether, though.
Vince called last night! 
It was at the perfect moment, too. I needed to be called. Being the smartass that he is, when I answered the phone, he used his best professional voice to ask if Jenn was there. She had just arrived, and I handed her the phone, not even trying to hid the disappointment in my voice. She took the phone, talked some, and then laughed a little and handed the phone back to me. He tricked me good. He sounded so different at first, but as the conversation went on it just started to fit back into place. I'm not sure how long we talked... Maybe 20 minutes. He's going to ask Jenn to day about seeing me... I hope she says yes. She should, if Vince tells her I'm a lesbian like I suggested. Having lunch with his lesbian friend - and I guess I'm paying, since he said he wanted something in return. I'll treat him to Chic-Fil-A, since I have have basically not been eating lunch at any of the halls, and have probably accumulated a couple of extra $$ to spend on other crap, like everyone says they do at the end of the semester.
Does anyone know where I can download freaking CD quality (not any live shit) Dave Mathews Band? I've searching fucking everywhere. It has me pissed. Really, really pissed off.
No Title Given
I keep sitting here, then laying on the bed, then sitting here again, then laying on the bed. It's gotten so late that I couldn't even do a lap around the campus without being worried that I'm walking alone. Fuck. I don't like this.
No Title Given
I am dieing of boredom here, right now. I had talked to Dave on the internet this morning, and he said for me to call at 3, after my class. When I did call, TJ answered, saying he had just walked out. He's been gone since... I have a feeling that he went over to his friend's house that lives just a block off of compus. Will probably be there all night, and then his girlfriend arrives tomorrow. Will probably never see him anymore, maybe. I've been feeling down about it all day, because I want to get out of this room and talk to someone... But there's no one to talk to. I don't want to talk to Jenn... I had wanted to talk to Dave... I'm not quite sure why this is bothering me so much.