Hooplah.Org

I just got back, and Jenn is “asleep.” She sleeps with the door open (which would erk the hell out of me – she ALWAYS leave the door fucking open), but she also turns on the stereo, loud (which makes the door being open EVEN WORSE) and she is listening to the same song over and over and over and fucking over… It’s a horrible song, something titled, “When the last tear drop falls,” or some shit like that. She never asks if it’s ok if she plays music like that, and loud. Maybe because it’s her stereo and her CD, and I think a big part of her links to pretend I’m not here when she can.

Anyway. I’m tired of talking about Jenn.

I noticed a guy from my sociology class today. Not just noticed, but recognized. He was Mr. Jock of the 2000 class of OCHS, and he was sitting in the front row, left corner of my sociology class. I had not noticed him before… Maybe it was his stripped shirt, which I swear he wore in high school, too, that caught my attention. I just thought it was neat to see him. He seemed quiet enough – nothing like he was before. (or, my impression of him before.) Very neat.

Damn, I’m tired. Jenn woke me up again this morning while she got ready. And right now, I’m letting her play her music, and sitting quietly at this desk, when I wish I could be getting a snack before lunch, but I know the bag (I want chips would make too much noise. I’m going to have to talk to her about that.

Screw it, I’m hungry.

Much better.

Freak. I still need to recap from since last Friday.. I’ve only been fussing about Jenn. I have stuff written, and saved…. I just need to finish it and post it Maybe I’ll do that tonight. Maybe.

I was out with Dave and my friend Tori from art class yesterday, and I forgot about the freaking meeting at 8 for yearbook. I was so fucking pissed. Jenn went to the meeting, and was nice enough to tell me that they let people in all during the year, and gave me their website this morning and I sent in a little “staff application.” I really want to be apart of yearbook; I couldn’t in high school, because it didn’t matter how much you wanted to be on or how great your application was, the woman that run yearbook would get the existing members of the staff and would hold up the application, say the person’s name, and then they would vote on whether they wanted that person or not. So, if you weren’t their friend (which basically meant preppy and a jock and rich) then you didn’t get in. I’m glad they accept people all year… I want to do layout stuff. Yeah… Hopefully they have a position open in that.

But I am NOT going to miss the bowling club meeting next Thursday. Oh, hell no. Shame Jenn is going, too, though… I don’t see her as a bowler. It’s just great – all the clubs I’m interested in, Jenn is, too. I think those are the only two she’s going after; the same as my two. At least, that’s what her calendar shows. It’ll be funny when she moves out (which is not likely – Kelly doesn’t think she will, either) – no matter what she does, she won’t be able to get away from me! Bwa ha ha.

I think my stomach is messing up for the first time since I’ve been here. It’s just with the stress I got today from Jenn and stuff… The reason why I’m up to late was because I helped the girl next door move down the hall (they were being de-trippled) and I mentioned to Serita that I would probably be doing this in a couple of weeks… And that’s when she found out that I “knew about Jenn.” Even the way she said it, I knew they had known about it, which I wasn’t surprised about. Jenn seems like she could be a complainer, I guess. I had a feeling that everyone in the hall probably already got the impression that I was.. Well, everything she said, because I’m not even really sure. Serita and Kelly both assured that it wasn’t me, but her, which made me feel a lot better. I was feeling like crap all day.

This afternoon, when I was walking by the little RA powwow room, I overheard Meranda talking, and from what I heard, I instantly knew it was about what Jenn had told her. And I found out then that she lied about me. Saying that I ate all of her food and offered it to other people, and that I went threw her desk and didn’t respect her stuff. I was like, fucking jesus, and snuck off to my room. I was going to write her an e-mail, since I’m almost too scared to talk to her in person about it. Just the way she brushed it off earlier, the way she has not tried to fix the problem herself by talking, and the cold shoulder she’s been giving me in general, anyway… Kelly and Serita both said it was just that she likes to party too much, which is very true. She thinks I’m a little wench because I want people out of the room at a certain time, which is very true. But Jenn has never asked me why – only assumed that I liked to ruin her fun, or something. It’s because I grew up in a house where everyone had to be out of the house by 8PM, because that’s when my parents went to bed. After 8PM, I had to tiptoe around the house, because if I woke my parents up by making too much noise, my father would yell at me, or, when I was little, beat me. I refuse to call what he did a “spanking”, because there was no lesson to be learned from it and he only did it to get rid of his anger. But, anyway, that’s the environment. And I “allow” her to have people in the room past 8… it’s just when 10 and 11 start creeping around that I get a little antsy. Especially if it’s guys in the room, because they were to be gone even before 8 – as soon as my parents could get them gone. It bothers me most that even though I really don’t want to talk about it, she didn’t even try… Just decided to spout lies about me and get her way. Earlier, when I was suffering with wanting to say something at a quiet moment about her wanting to move, I finally broke the silence and said, “I wish you had told me about you wanting to move out before we got the posters.” She asked, “Why?” And I said, simply, “You order posters with friends, not people who don’t like you.” I’m not sure of her exact response, but it meant this, “I like you, you’re still my friend, I just don’t want to live with you.”

It almost makes me cry.

But it’s probably just my stomach.

I just found out that Jenn is trying to move out. I noticed yesterday that she had somehow made a “friendship” with our RA, Meranda, and I thought that was surprising only because Meranda is not really Jenn’s type of person… Meranda’s my type, only way more cheerful. Then, when I got back from class today, there was a note saying that I should call Michelle since she called, and then to tell Meranda that if she came by that Jenn would get back to her ASAP. I call Michelle, and go down a few moments later so we can go to lunch, and the first thing she said as we started walking was, “So I hear Jenn is moving out.” I was like, fuck. It bothered me the entire lunch, and is still bothering me now… It had best better not be about me, and what a problem I am. Now that I think of it, it would explain why Jenn has been taking the phone calls to her mother out in the hallway. I didn’t think anything of it, but… fuck me. It pisses me off, since I know everyone on the hall must know, since she knows everybody and I get the feeling that they all talk amongst themselves, anyway.

… I just asked her “the question” when she walked in the door. I told her that Meranda left a message on the door, and she said great, and she was freaking gushing about other things… And then there was a pause, and I said to her, that I over heard people talking… Talking in relation as to why she wanted to see Meranda. And she quickly looked up and said, “Oh, about me moving out? Yeah, I don’t think are going as well as they should be and I think we’ll probably get into arguments later.” Bullshit. Yeah, if she had continued to just use the room for whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted (usually 10 till fucking 2 or 3 if she had her way) and continued to completely disrespect the fact that it’s my room too, then, yeah, arguments would soon start to occur. Who the fuck does she think she is? Just because I don’t go out and get drunk at parties and hug her like she’s my sister, she thinks she has the right to cause all of this inconvenience and worry and trouble for a certain group of people. Oh, jeezzzeeee Jenn, I didn’t realize you wereso unhappy living with someone who could be considered a good influence if you’d only wise up. But what was I thinking! What a horrible fate for you to be living with such an antisocial dork. Your need for social attention is much more important than a good night’s sleep, anyway. Ugh. I think the majority of this probably started the night before last, when I was just staring at her, making eye contact with her, from under my covers as she was sitting at her computer, talking in a very normal volume voice to another girl when she knew I was trying to go to sleep.

With all the tripples in this school, I didn’t think they would allow, let alone have room, for someone to move just because they have a tissy over not loving their roommate as much as they “should be.” Aren’t they supposed to have some sort of group session, or something? Talk to us both? I know I talk bad about Jenn here, but I’m very nice to her in person. No reason to start anything – she is one of those people who if you made her mad, she would probably start acting differently towards you. There are certain things I can choose to live with, and she was going to be one of them. But right now, I’m ready to blow up. I’m ready to pick her apart until I get the very instant that she started to prefer other company. I can do that… I can do it well.

She’s talking her Meranda right now, I think. I wonder what the outcome will be.. If she’ll even tell me, since she has already chosen to disclude me from one issue that would obviously involve me. It pisses me off about the posters… She could have told me she was fucking moving out before I put the cost of her posters on my fucking card.

I’m sitting here, playing music, and Jenn just started playing music on her stereo. It’s country, just like what I was playing… So it makes me think she must have heard it before she chose to ignore it.

I found out Dave was a little man slut yesterday.

I went to the gym yesterday!! I went with Michelle and her brother’s girlfriend’s roommate, whose name is Ann. We went to dinner first, and when we came back, me and Michelle were just sitting around in her room listening to music when Ann IMed Michelle about going to the gym now. We had talked about going at dinner, and I honestly wasn’t that up for it… But I needed to start forcing myself if I’m ever going to start working out regularly… I’m not at Food Lion anymore, so if I don’t do something fast, my ass will get nasty again like it was when I was 15 and self conscious, and go back to wearing shirts I could live in and pants I need a map for. Anyway… The first thing I got on was the stepper thing.. Not quite sure of any technical name. The girl beside me and to help me figure out how to use it. It really worked my knees, which could stand to be less bony, I guess… I tried a whole bunch of other things, but what I was most disappointed by was the treadmill… I thought those were supposed to give you a good workout? I know I run out of breathe when I’m walking fast on normal ground, but the treadmill didn’t make my legs tired at all, and I was on it for 15 minutes… It started to occur to me that maybe I was using it wrong, so I got off. I don’t know.

Been talking to Vince allot. I’m still really pissed that his girlfriend won’t let him see me… Not that I would be anymore happy about it if I were in her situation. I know she shouldn’t be happy about the idea. I used to pull that shit on Alan all of the time, and he was miserable under my whining. There was the option of Vince coming to see me if Jen (his girlfriend – not my roommate) was with him… But as I told Vince, I dislike her just about as much as she is afraid of me. She’s been acting a little selfish lately, by making him wait and worry about numerous things. I’m hoping she fucks up again, because then he’ll come and see me. He says he would deserve it then… But he does now, too. He deserves friends and options and.. lots. He deserves alot.

I finally ordered the posters this morning. It came to freaking $80 some with shipping… But they’ll be good posters; or, they damn well better be. Jenn owes me $30 out of it.. Although, I don’t think my posters were $50. I’ll have to do the math.

I have class in 10 minutes and Jenn left the stereo on and she also left the door open on her way out. Dirty, dirty dorm slut.