No Title Given
I had to work today (of course - my legal day off from school) and Joan was position behind me. I always talk to Joan. I seem to have a way of cracking her up. She always says I'm "a trip." I was talking to her about random guys, and she is usually the one with the info on who is stalking me and what not. I suppose she is just a people person like that. She told me that Jason (the older guy with the kid and the bad teeth) no longer likes me. That I don't "do it for him anymore." Hmmph. That disappointed me. I like knowing that at least someone wants me... Gives me some sort of weird confidence. (Sounds a little vein, but this is coming from someone who was told that she was ugly almost daily when I was 11 through 13. People barked at me in the hallways. But, that is another story.)
To further burst my bubble, I told Joan that Daniel was also very cold to me recently. And she told me that he was very hurt because of what happened between us. I went out with him 4 times, kissed him twice... I had a great time with him. Conversation went smoothly between us, and we had the common interest of video games, so we could play them in dull moments. But... There was just something about the situation that was missing. I felt nothing. I did try, and I wish I had. It just wasn't there. And since I am very non confrontational (Stephen's word) I did the only thing I knew how to do... Go straight back to how things were. I was also busy at the time, which made that action of mine seem rather small, when in reality, it was horrible timing. I had spent Valentines day at his house, and he had written me a poem. A freaking poem. And had bought an adorable red bear and tied the rolled up poem to the bear with a red ribbon. Yes, looking back, I can see how he would have done anything I wanted. I can see how vulnerable he was. I could see it when I looked at him, and the way he looked at me. And my urge to not have to tell him I did not share his feelings, and just try to transition back to normal probably just hurt him more. Over the past couple of weeks, I have seen him, and I can tell how much it bothers him to be around me. I can tell that me trying to talk to him and be nice to him is not exactly welcome. He was at work today, and I was afraid to talk to him. Despite how much I wanted to just say anything, or to even have him acknowledge me, I stayed quiet, and slowly turned around and found something to do at my register. I didn't want him to hate me... But it appears that we're no longer friends.
I'm pretty sick right now. I can just feel it in my nose... It feel as though I have been punched, or something. It's a raw feeling at the top of my nose on the right side. I'm complete with sneezing and coughing. It's the common cold, I guess. I missed school on Thursday (which seems so long ago now) because of this. I went to work, though, even thought I felt worse. Gotta work express tomorrow, too. 7 hours of that stupid shit. I hope I get a lunch... Sometimes they give it for 7 hours...
Damn... I just remembered that I forgot to pick up my pay check. And Carl has about $47 of the $50 he owes me... Although, it is in change. In a box. I think I'll make him count it out, since it's going back into my account. My balance should then be about $654, or so... Not counting the paycheck I just received, and a $50 check from the state for taxes. I would have had an additional $200 in the account if I didn't have to pay Radford it to reserve my seat. Sort of pointless to mention that, because it's money gone for a good reason, but I feel like I haven't saved anything since it's stayed in the $600's for ages. Just knowing I could almost have $900 makes me feel better.
Blah. I have my guinea pig Prickles a bath when I got home. Not exactly an ideal evening closer, but I got off work an hour early, and he needed it. But now I smell like him. Yuck.
I can't think of anything else to write about... I'm trying to keep writing, because I'm listening to a CD, and I know when I'm done in here, I'll find something else to do rather than listen to the CD. But I WANT to listen to the CD... Damn. How many other people can manipulate theirs elves. I'm just special.