No Title Given
I was a little surprised at Sandy today. Well, maybe not surprised, but whatever reaction I had, whether I predicted it or not, made me angry with her. She asked me if I had asked Lindsay and Carl about leaving graduation night to go to Florida, and I told her I sort of had. I told her that they wanted to got to a party if there was one, as I would too, but since no one knows if there would be a party or not, the topic just sort of dropped. Actually, I do know of one person who is throwing a party (or will no doubt be throwing one) but the party that we go to would have to be one that I wasn't scared to go to. But, anyway. Sandy got quiet after I said that, which obviously meant either she didn't like it or she thought it was dumb. When I asked her, her exact response was: "I'm not really worried about going to one, but if ya'll want to go to one then that's fine." I don't really see Sandy as a party person, but neither am I, and I would still value the experience of going. I tried to explain to her that it may not really be "wanting" to go per say, but trying to make one more memory with the people you grew up with. Sandy just repeated herself with the response, blaming her dislike of big groups of people. (So she can go to prom, but she can't go to this? Yeah, that's logic.) She went on to explain that she would only miss the people who were her friends, and not the people who she barley talked to. And I'll admit, friends do matter most in experiences like that. But I would not try to deny the fact that no matter how little I saw, spoke to, or liked or disliked these people, that they were apart of my life. They went through the same thing that I did, during the same time of my life. My childhood memories are full of their faces. And whether I like it or not, there will be an empty space in my life where they were, no matter if they were only the shadows on my world. I personally think anyone who doesn't even have a will to participate in things like this either wasted their youth with superficial enthusiasm, or will no doubtably regret it later on. When they're middle aged, and would rather look to their past than their future. I'm smart enough to plan ahead to avoid regret over something that seems so little now, but might mean the world later on. It disappoints me that Sandy isn't.
But, speaking of my Florida beach week vacation thing (mentioned somewhere in the mass of typing above) Carl and Lindsay got our time off for the vacation on Saturday. We're taking off the 9th through the 20th, which I was ok with. Lindsay came into work at two, but before she showed up, Carl was waiting up at the office. It made more sense when Lindsay arrived and they were requesting the time off.... I guess Lindsay needed someone else giving her confidence, or possibly a backup when asking. I had forgotten to ask when I came in, and was glad. I was wondering what the hell they were talking about until Carl came over to tell me the dates, and if they were ok with me.
Something I've noticed about myself: I go through obsession phases. A couple of weeks ago, all I could do was talk about going to the beach, and where we could go, and what not. I was living and breathing it. I actually held on to the obsession a little too long (very unlike me) and it was actually putting some strain on my friendship with Lindsay. I started having dreams of my friends and random people from school. They were rich, textured dreams that I could easily remember, and they were long, and I had about 4 of them in a row on week. They've stopped now, since I started playing the The Sims to get rid of some pressure. And after I got accepted to Radford, I went into another scholarship furry. I just get more and more frustrated when I realize that I missed all the freaking deadlines. With all the scholarships out there, the only thing that keeps me from getting pissed is that I'm pretty sure I'll be able to win myself a free rid for next year if I plan well. Today I sent out a poem I wrote for school back in 1999. In reality, it will probably be a sucky poem in comparison to the other ones that will be submitted. But at least I can say I tried, instead of sitting around with a thumb up my ass.
I'm really, really tired of typing.