No Title Given
I'm listening to depressing music. I feel like I'm in a really weird bubble right now, somewhere far from here. The Cranberries can always make me feel that way. They remind me of how lost I was when I was younger, and how I would chant along to the lyrics as I cried. I really thought that meant something when I was 12.
I'm going to be an aunt. I am probably one already, but don't have enough communication with those individuals to be aware of it. My 1/2 sister is having a baby instead of getting married. Whenever I saw her, I always wondered if my father saw her as a 30 some year old virgin. I always wondered if she was having sex with the boyfriends she had, because I could never imagined someone as quiet as her to do something so loud and raw. Kissing would probably be a feat with the nose my father gave her. I've never seen any of her boyfriends, and I only saw a picture of her baby's father. She's going to wait until after the birth to have a wedding, because she doesn't want to be fat in the dress. At least I can get all the money for my college things, and the left over loot will be for her wedding.
I kissed the third person I ever have in my life this past week. On Tuesday. I went over to his house, we watched a movie and played Playstation, and when he was walking me to my truck at 9 o'clock, he spoke the words I listed in my last post. It was weird. I don't think I really wanted to do it. I spent time with him last Thursday, although I was not in the mood for it. We watched 1/2 of a movie and played N64 at my house. I kept a polite distance, as I have been telling all of my friends. But in truth, I didn't even notice it until when I was dropping him off at his house and he said good bye and got out of the car without even a slight hesitation. I then felt bad. Felt bad for something I wasn't sure I wanted to happen.
I feel like I'm in the middle of a very deep valley of sand, looking up toward the top. And the biggest problem I have with this mental picture is deciding where the shadows should be placed.
"Does anyone care?"