No Title Given
I am getting really horrible at updating this. There's many different reasons, all of which don't make me feel any better about it. I know one of the main reasons why I clung to this journal was to vent out my feelings about my break up with Alan. The idea that Alan could have been reading my words also fueled my passion to write every day, and write with strong emotion. And also, this represented my replacement of my best friend. I used to talk with Alan about everything, and with him gone, I had no where to put it all. Just here.
I am extremely tired. This is going to be a short entry, if I even make it past this next paragraph. I am so tired, and I can't seem to get enough sleep. My fingers have been so beaten up from working, they have scab like things under my stubby finger nails. Needless to say, it makes it very painful to type. I cannot seem to stay awake in class. I've never had this problem in school. Ever.
I blame it on the fact that I had to work last Sunday. I have not had a decent time to top and rest and breathe. So, so exhausted. I have been telling everyone that if my name appears on the schedule for Sunday, I will quit. Maybe it I say it enough, I'll actually gather the balls to.
I am so contradicting. One day I can rant and rant about Alan, making him up to be for be some form of monster. And then, when he comes online says says "hello, beautiful. 
"... I just melt. Guilt sweeps over me, and I feel horrible. How could I have said such things about a person whom I know truly loves me? He does try, but all I do is watch for when he trips. I have yet to really understand why I insist on doing so.
I don't understand my current roller coaster of emotions.
3 years ago, if someone had told me that at my future job, Carl would come though my line and purchase condoms, with the sole purpose of fucking my good friend Lindsay, and that I would be giddy shit over the fact that they were... I obviously wouldn't have believed it. I'm a little proud of myself at the progress I've made, and how I am now capable of keeping a healthy friendship with Carl. I'm actually coaching the both of them on. It had been a secret between me and Carl about him buying the condoms, or so I thought.
This happened last Monday. The following day, during lunch, Lindsay said, in very general terms in order to not let anyone else know, "So, when was it that he can't through your line? Yesterday, right?" I was so shocked that he told her. We spoke about it for a few more moments, speaking in the same general terms that she started. It's always cool to talk to someone with some under lining to the conversation, that no one else knows. Or maybe that's just me.
It's just so amazing to me that sweet, little innocent Lindsay is going to get down and dirty. Finally.
Billy knows about Alan now. I was talking to Tara, and was explaining how I was back with Alan. She was saying congratulations, when Billy walked up beside us, since he knows both of us. He said "Yeah, congratulations. For what?" I said "Oh, nothing," trying to hide it. Tara announced "She's back with her old boy." Thanks, Tara. But she's never been able to keep her mouth shut.
I had been keeping it from him. Mainly because I assumed that he would avoid me for the rest of the year, or whatever. I was just going to let everything melt into summer time, and by the time we were back in school, it would have been forgotten.
I am so tired. Night.
Note: Timestamp of entry is not accurate.