No Title Given
I'm pissed off that I missed two days of writing. My fault, really. I've been off playing my new computer game, The Sims. I got it as sort of a present for helping my father with his digital camera. Although I didn't really help him, it was supposed to influence me.
My parents started to get a bug up their asses about calling the tech support of the digital camera, to see if they could find the problem. I wasn't in the mood for any of it, since I had to work later on in the day, but my mother insisted on calling. Saying that she would only need me for a few things. I ended up being on the phone with the tech for two hours. He came to the conclusion that we needed to reinstall all these different ports in the back of the computer. The computer knew the camera was there, but it couldn't read it. And of course, in order to reinstall the ports, I need a Windows 98 CD. Alan didn't give me one when he gave me the computer. But at least it was easy to hunt a CD down.
On Tuesday, me and my mother went into Fredericksburg with the intention of me taking her out to dinner. We did a little more shopping; I bought some pants from Old Navy, and my mother looked around in some shoe stores. We were also looking for The Sims in Target, since they had advertised it for $39.95. They were out. But Wall-Mart had it in. 
I also bought the new Star Wars movie. At Target, I bought it for $16 something. At Wall-Mart, they had it for $13.95. Yeah; lesson learned.
I ended up taking my mother to Red Lobster as her birthday present. She had protested at first, saying she wanted to go to Chic-Fil-A. But I knew it was just because it would be cheaper for me. I finally talked her into some seafood, and because we chose "smoking," we were seated immediately. The bill was only $42 something. Not bad; it's been worse.
The past two days at work have been alright. They were slow days.. With are better than "busy," because I start getting pissed off eventually. I was happy, though; they posted a sort of "top 5" list for cashiers, going by how fast they scan groceries. Guess who's #4.
I don't feel much like writing anymore.
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No Title Given
Today was great. I went to bed at 12AM last night, and woke up at 10AM. 10 hours of sleep. I haven't had that in who knows how long. Jesus, it felt so good. It's 10 PM, and I'm not tired at all. I'm just going giddy shit about how I wasted an entire day without worry, and did exactly what I wanted all day without thinking that I should be doing something else. Almost orgasmic.
I had enough time to paint my toe nails. I never do that... I just did it because. I chose a shimmery blue green color that Sandy had given me. I ended up painting my toes more than the nails, and I messed it up with too many coats. I ruined them further my accidently digging my toes into the carpet, so that they now have a bumpy pattern on them. It's so random and pointless, but it actually makes me proud. "Lookie what I did. It's so purdy."
I've been trying to send those .zip files to Vince the majority of the day. And needless to say, it's not working out... Either my ISP just struggles sending the file, or his mailbox won't accept it. It's driving me fucking mad. I've already told him that if I couldn't send him the file that I would buy him the game. We both know I owe him a lot of presents from missed birthdays and holidays. I am so bad with those. The game is about $20, I think. It won't kill me. Not if I want to do it.
My father has been bugging me non stop about that digital camera of his. I know I should help him. But it's just so... When I run into problems, I have to deal with people who have no idea what they are talking about, but still try to form solutions. And they get angry when I get annoyed. My father has just been carrying around the booklet to the camera everywhere he goes. The booklet looks like it's already had a year or two of use because of how many different times he's read it. It's so fucking stupid. Like he'll find an extra instruction deep in the back of the book that was excluded from the installation instructions which are in the front. Yeah. Sure.
I'm trying, once again, to make a new layout. Not for this site, thank god. For the actual domain part that I also run. I want to add more content, and I think I need a new layout to get what I want out of it. It will probably take me a long while. I'm too lazy at the moment.
Michael called me from work this afternoon. It was a nice surprise, I suppose. He told me that he had visited my page yesterday, and that he liked the whole "crew" thing. He said he gave the link to a friend, and that she liked it also. Michael never calls me anymore... But they may be partly because I never answered the phone when he did. I'm just not a phone person... Not anymore.
Ugh. For some reason, all of these things are flooding into my mind. All these different things to talk about that I seemed to miss in past entries. Like how a boy named Tim, that I have known forever, has been calling my house constantly since Alan broke up with me. And how I never answer the phone when he calls, either. About how a guy in my class almost got beat up for throwing a piece of chalk, and it hit the wrong person. And how the substitute teacher didn't even notice because she was too busy playing cards. So stupid.
I'm paying attention to Vince. Not in any particular way, not with anything in mind... He's just the focus of my attention for some reason. I have phases like that.
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No Title Given
The bast few days, I have been so tired. My whole body feels exhausted, and I can't even think straight. I can not wait until I can just lay down in bed and sleep a good 12 hours, if I can. I can never concentrate on anything when I'm like this. Everything has been getting on my last nerve...
For the past few days my father has been harassing me to fix his digital camera up on his computer. He has actually been waiting for me to get involved, and has done nothing concerning the instalation until I was there to do it for him. I can't stand it when he buys things and then expects me to figure it out for him.
He displayed such a degree of stupidity the other day... I woke up, and came out into the living room. He looked at me, raising a hand to prepare for future hand gestures, and proceeded to ask me a question as if it were complicated. "Is that a color monitor in there?" He was referring to the computer in the den. I looked at him... And told him that was a stupid question. I tried going over the difference between a color TV and a black and white TV, then seeing if he could make the connections... But he replied, "I don't know if it is a color monitor, I don't see that many colors." I told him that he see's red, he see's blue, he see's green; he see's colors.
I've had to go through questions like that from both my father and my mother. We're having problems with getting the drivers installed for the camera. My father kept coming in my room with that damned booklet that came with the camera. Each time he did, it was because he had found a paragraph that stated that we needed to install the software and the drivers first. He would say "I think that's what our problem has been. We need to do that first." Stupid ass fuck. That's what we haven't been able to do.
I am so angry at Alan. I e-mailed him today, saying that I hope that he burned in hell. He knows how much I have been hurt before by love. It's almost as if he was out to crush my ability to ever trust again. I didn't deserve to be treated like that. No one does.
Sometimes I think Sandy acts too helpless. She starts forming feelings for people just because they make sexual jokes that involve her, or because they playfully say that they love her. You can say "I love you," but not necessary mean that you love love them. I tried to tell her that, and she said "he probably doesn't but still he keeps saying it." This coming from a guy who is over 20 is engaged/married and has a child on top of that. I don't know.
I remember swooning when me and Carl would have conversations that meant everything to me, when it was only just fun and games to him. I took everything the wrong way. Maybe I'm trying to keep Sandy from that mistake. Maybe I should try at all. Maybe I'm just being a bitch about it. I haven't decided yet. 
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No Title Given
Today is my mother's birthday. Happy birthday mommy
... And so closes a long week. I am officially on Spring break, and I have this coming Monday, Tuesday, and Friday completely do myself. It's been so long since I was able to have that may days off completely, from both school and work. It's good, since probably the entire vacation I'll be thinking about how I should be at Alan's, or he should be here. Hopefully peace and rest will work as a good distraction.
Two good relationships have been ruined. It seems that the greedy bug that Alan had is going around. Both Stephen and Vince are going through bitter stages... Stephen never has a period where he crawls inside himself, or at least not so far that he's out of my reach. Stephen's ex girlfriend is also dancing circles around his broken heart, and he's holding up pretty well, considering. Vince has become unapproachable for a while... Nothing I can really do for him right now but wait. And try to let him know I'm here, for something. Anything. Or nothing.
Michael was skipping school a lot of days (11 in the past month,) and somewhere along the line the word got out that he was depressed... And the school board ended up calling Michael around the beginning/middle of the week. The next day he spent a class period speaking with the guidance counselor, and after talking, she recommend he go a place called Snowden. There, he received a free physactric (sp?) evaluation... He will soon be on anti depressants. Since he went to Snowden, he's actually become less "bitter," and more calm. Maybe it's just the relief of knowing what's wrong. I hope he can get better. I love him too much to see him hurt anymore.
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No Title Given
I've had to work the past two days. That's rather unusual for me, since it was only a couple of weeks ago that I was lucky to be working 3 days a week. My last pay check was $195. That isn't bad, considering I get $5.75 an hour. I had 41 hours for those two weeks together. Over the next two weeks, I think I'm scheduled to have 49 hours. Something like that. It's hard, but I'm finally starting to appreciate the money.
Joan, a girl that works with me, is a complete trip. She must be in her early thirties, probably younger than that. She's married, and has 3 kids... But she still comes to me an gossips about who the cute guys are, and makes quick perverted jokes. She's now trying to be match maker, and trying to hook me up with a guy named Robert. Working hard at it, too.
I was scanning someone's groceries, and she came up beside me, quickly. She put one hand on my shoulder, leaned in close to my ear and whispered "He thinks your cute." She scuttled off, putting some carts away. He had been bagging for her, and she asked him right out if he thought I was cute. She claims he said "Yeah, she is kind of cute, you know." That kind of put me on a confidence high. I don't know, I can act a little slutty when I'm single. Not that I'm flapping my legs everywhere... I'm just flirtatious, sometimes.
Everyone is breaking up. Vince just informed me that him and his girlfriend just broke up. And he's just sitting there, and I'm not talking, and I wish I was... But I know there's anything I can say. If he loved her, he loved her. There's nothing I can say or do that could make him stop crying. I wish I could. I remember when Alan told me that he wanted to break up, it felt like either the ceiling was raising, or I was falling. I don't want to see him hurt. I hope everything can work out better for him than it did for me.
Stephen just informed me yesterday that he and his girlfriend Jennifer have officially broken up. Not that they weren't before; there's just no question about it now. It seems to me that she thinks she is better than Stephen all of a sudden. The way she's broken up with him, the way she trailed him along for the past couple of months, just using when when she saw fit... It just makes me so angry. It all looks so purposely done.
I hate what Jennifer has become. When I met her, she was a modest, sweet, pleasant girl. Then, somewhere along the line, she became a wanna-be gothic sex obsessed chic. It just makes me furious, about how she has treated Stephen, and how she hurt others along the way.
There are actually a lot more things I wish to talk about. But when it's 10:40PM, and I have to be awake at 6, it can wait for tomorrow. My writing has been horrible, anyway.
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