No Title Given
My head is hurting to bad right now. Only on the left side, right over my eye. I've tried everything to get rid of it except rest. I'm avoiding that at the moment, mainly because I'm trying to enjoy whatever is left of this so called "day off" I'm supposed to be having. It's felt like such a long day...
I had a bad start today. For some reason, I got the urge to visit Alan's domain. I discovered that he finally got around to working me and my name out of his pages. For some reason, it hit me very hard. I had a crying fit over it. I'm living in a stage of denial... And it feels good. It makes me more stable to believe that someday I will marry him. That there is something about me that he loves. That he wants me more than anything. It's dangerous for me to dwell on how much I am really hurt that he wants to move on from me. If I cover my eyes, I don't have to watch him walk away...
I realized something, today. When I met Alan, I was miserable. I had been going though 4 years of heartbreak, and my soul was so tired of being hurt. Even being alive. Alan seemed to break me away from that... He seemed to satisfy every need I had. But now... I've lost my lover, my best friend... And he's done everything he promised he wouldn't. I don't know what to do with myself. He has been all I have known for the past two years. He was the reason why I started looking forward to whatever future I will have. And it's just gone forever. What am I supposed to do with myself now?
Now I know why I have the head ache.
My parents were once again harassing me about the digital camera. My mother, at one point, decided to call Jim. Jim is a friend that we somehow acquired for fixing misc problems we have with our computer. I did not want her to call because I was NOT in the mood for it. But of course, that did not stop her. My mother tried to explain what was wrong, and she kept using the wrong words for things and what not. I started to correct her, and she held the phone out to me. "He wants to go through things on the computer." FUCK
Everything is supposed to be in working order now, since I spent 1/2 hour to 45 minutes talking to him. I was completely pissed off about that. I don't know if everything works or not, honestly. I refused to test the camera, since they're taking it back to get a better one. Complete waste of money.
I hate how both my mother and father get angry with me because I am against my father having a stupid digital camera. I am the one who will have to teach him every fucking thing. I usually refuse to be in the same room with him and a computer, since it's almost like me asking to be screamed at by him. But after this stupid issue of the computer is over with, I'll have to teach him how to save and edit files. And further more, up load the pictures he wants on the internet. It just has me so damned pissed off.
I want to call in sick for work tomorrow. I am tired, my head is aching, and I am supposed to work 12 to 9. I hate doing that. It just sucks away my whole day.
Note: Timestamp of entry is not accurate.