No Title Given
I've missed the past two days of school, and I've got a little bopper bitch trying to tell me off. All in all, it's been a good day.
Alan decided to pop online today after he got home from the whatever island he was visiting. He said that he hadn't read any my e-mails, and that is why he didn't respond. But I know he read them. I don't care what he tells me, I know he did.
He asked me "you hate me, don't you?" I answered the question badly at the time. There isn't really an answer. I am still so shocked by this person who I thought loved me so much. Who I loved so much. This person who is so in favor of ruining everything that made me happy. And it feels like it's gone forever, no matter what happens, and that makes me feel so numb.
I called him on the phone. I yet again caught him in the middle of getting ready to leave. I tried to talk to him. He seemed so completely uninterested. And when I tried to bring up the topics that I have been waiting to say to him for the past month, but he told me he didn't want to get into it right then. That he would read over my e-mails and write me a long letter tomorrow. But I don't want that. I want a one on one with him. So much about me changed between every e-mail, so much as changed between the last one I sent him. And in all of them, I was never fully able to communicate what I was really thinking.
If he would just listen to me once. I've thought about it and analyzed it so much, that I can explain, in great detail and honestly, just exactly what went wrong. That is one of my true talents: analyzing things to the point where I understand them inside and out. I can replay everything step by step. And the fact of it is that it is so stupid and so pointless. It's all been spoiled by something so small, and he won't even look. It is not dead yet. But it's fading so fast... and he just watches.
Note: Timestamp of entry is not accurate.