No Title Given
Happy 18th birthday Alan, wherever you are, whatever you're doing.
I sent Alan a farewell letter early this morning. I got a friend from the online world to re write my version of the letter, as everything I wrote just sounded to accusing and stupid and sorry. I called his house when I got home from work, and he's off on a cruise that was arranged for by his school. So maybe he's off having the time of his life right now. Maybe he's having it with someone else, too. Nothing I can really say or do about that. I can't even try anymore. It's going to be so hard.
Work was horrible. I thought I had won the affections of some people... But yet I still sometimes hear them laughing, and sometimes looking at me. And they never laugh when I do, or smile when I do. They speak in monotone. And the only person who talks to me is Cathy, and she is a hard person to follow. Makes everything dramatic.
I don't seem to be as peppy with the customers as when I first started working. I just can't keep it up for 8 hours straight. I remember how they used to say it was nice to have a happy person working there. Now I know why the older employees never do it anymore, either. Food Lion just kind of does that to a person.
I was supposed to go out bowling with the teenagers from the "front end" department of Food Lion. It was supposed to be so everyone could get to know each other better. A bonding experience. But as I was talking my friend Kelly today, and all these different people have plans to bring their own friends along. It just kind of defeats the purpose, and makes me lose interest, since there will obviously be cliques forming quickly. And it doesn't start until 10-11 PM, anyway... I haven't been able to stay awake past 9-10 PM all this week. I've been crying off and on for a couple of hours, and it has my eye lids heavy. I doubt I will make it. I told them that if I didn't show up in time not to wait for me. I just hope they don't call me at 10:30 at night to check to see if I am coming.
I spent a couple of hours making small talk and catching up with one of my old online friends. One of my first online friends that I ended up talking to on a regular basis. I've known him since 1997, and it was good to talk to him and catch up on things. In some ways I've missed him. It's been so long that I can't remember just what exactly I missed. It was more of a sense than an actual feeling. Maybe I'll IM him another day in the future. And then maybe he'll e-mail me a couple of times. We'll slowly get into a routine we used to be in. Back into an active friendship. I really need one right now.
Note: Timestamp of entry is not accurate.