No Title Given
Alan called me yesterday to break up with me. I had just gotten back from Fredericksburg. When he called, he said things along the line of, "I've been thinking..." I bluntly asked him if he wanted to break up with me. There was some more attempts at answering or starting what he was going to say, so I decided it was yes, and asked why. It had to do with how we are to different. He said that everyone said that we were so different, and he said he wanted exact opposites in everything. I suppose he got most of this during the last few phone calls we've had: If he started making comments about getting married after high school, I told him I didn't want that, because I don't want those responsibilities on me at such a young age; I cannot follow through with them. Or if he said "I want to live in the country and start a business right after high school." I would tell him I want out of the country and want to live in a city, and that I didn't think it was wise of him to start a business right after high school. He was basing my differences on that. This is a perfect example why I go on and on about how opinionated I am. I'll state my opinion, even if it does not mean that much to me. My whole life I've had to comply and live the way someone else wanted me to. Use the things I was given. Which means I take what I am given. The only thing I really want is to be with Alan. If I was able to have that, it would be a luxury in itself to me. Near the end of the phone conversation, he said he felt better. It wasn't until I was tossing and turning in bed when I realized that I could have talked/pitied him out of what he wanted to do. Or maybe he did actually feel better, having talked about it. I don't know.
I went with Michael into Fredericksburg today to pick up his sister from work. Michael had told me about some car trouble he had earlier in the day (he stalled out on a hill, flooded the engine, and had to let it sit), but he acted as if it was funny to look back on, and I could tell while riding in the car that there didn't seem to be any problems. It was just "jumping" around a little. Nothing more than what it usually does with his awful driving. After we picked Ashley up, his sister, he had trouble starting the car in the parking lot. He put some water in it, and it started right up after words. We were on our way to the mall, and it was the second to last stop light until the turn off to the mall. When Michael went to go on green, the car stopped, in the middle lane, in one of the worst areas for traffic.
He spent a good 10 minutes pumping the gas while cars zoomed by us, barley missing, and honking their horns and sending rude looks. Like we meant to be there. Finally someone in a car a little ways behind us, waiting for a stop light, said he would pull over to the nearest gas station and come back and help us put the car into the turning lane. It had not been more than 20 seconds after he had said that, when the car started. We met him at the gas station, thanked him, and he told us just to let the car run for a little while. He was really helpful. I honestly didn't think people could be so kind anymore.
I should write more often. I have to many things I want to write about, about how Michael always seems to piss other guys off on the road and the end up almost racing him. About how I'm actually doing all my homework in my classes. (Well, I have so far.) About how Alan is spending too much money on me (he will be giving me a new digital camera within a few weeks, or, that's what he said.) About how I bought a new kick ass "That 70's Show" poster. About how I'm planning a surprise for Alan, that is small but something I think he'd like, though I can't say it here, because he reads this. 
About how I'm keeping my room clean. It is stuff like this.
I am barley online anymore. It doesn't seem to have the mystery and the fun and the excitement that it did. I loved managing my webrings, now I'm lucky if I even check my stats at all. Managing them is a burden. This webpage is still something I enjoy, though I'm starting to feel self pressure about making a new layout for it. I am usually online to talk to Alan, but the past week he has been working and thinking, which leaves me with nothing to do online.
My mind is always changing. I am always tired, but when I sleep "enough," I get head aches. About how I waited and waited for Beverly's new web design, but I'm finding I do not like it as much as the others. About how I feel bad for Alan, how he is working so much, and how I felt when he told me his work, his school, his thoughts, and myself have been making him miserable. About how Michael complains about how unhappy he is, and about how he isn't in a relationship, when he really has no reason for all those feelings. About how angry I am that I have no started the Envious Site Contest, and while during my time of laziness other people have probably gone wild with the idea.
I am so lazy, I cannot even finish this journal entry.