Hooplah.Org A Story of Graceful Stumbles

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Today wasn't so bad. To anyone else, it would have been impossibly boring, but for someone like me it was full with shits and giggles.

I started a new book last night. After forcing my mother to let me go to the library before we headed into Orange, I made good use of it. But I was so tired, I was only able to read about 10 pages before I feel asleep. Today I stared reading at 1:30-ish. And I kept reading until almost 7:30. I read 200 pages. And I'll probably finish the book today. Yay for me. But sadly, the other books I got I figured out where duds when I got home. I should have at least checked the description instead of just getting it for the author's name. I've got 2 more books I know that I'll read. After that, I'll probably have to go back.

Today was the first time I have driven a car by myself. I wanted some mac and cheese, and even though I had told my mother we needed more 2 or 3 days ago, and there was none of the shelf. So, I decided I would solve the problem by going myself, since I knew my mother wouldn't want to go anywhere.

Getting dressed and all that, I was nervous about what I was going to do. But when I got in the car, and made it out of my driveway, I had no fear what-so-ever. Not even a quickened of my heart beating. I even stayed the speed limit, which is 25 mph. Even though I know most people go 30-35 mph, and people were riding my ass, I didn't intend to get a ticket on my first day of driving. I decided that I would experiment with that when I had as must to lose. Maybe try it when I finally was tired of driving.

I don't really understand my mother's over protectiveness of my driving. When I was driving yesterday, and it started to rain, she demanded that she take over. I had driven in the rain before, while I was doing my drivers test, and I did find. My friend Sandy pointed out a good point, that she is not going to be around forever, and is not always gonna be there with me in the car when it rains. She is having the same problem with her parents. But she knew enough to make that point. I had just whimpered, got in the car, slammed my door, and didn't speak the rest of the way there.

I was surprised my mother let me out of the house so easily when I said I could drive to Food Lion to get my food. Only down part was, I also had to pay for it. I don't understand my mother's big hang up. My father has it to. As if driving alone, without someone in the seat next to me to yell and scream, puts me at a disadvantage to the other drivers. I've said it before, but it pisses me off. allot.

Alan "fixed" his computer today. Actually, he never found out what was wrong with it, just started re-installing stuff and it worked. Or something like that. He also got a job at the store he was trying to fix his computer at. He has always been around there, even was shooting to get a job there before. He seemed so happy when he worked there before. Hopefully it will be the same thing. I just hope it doesn't make him too tired... and who knows if he will be keeping the job he has now. Probably.

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I drove today. Which was so stressful and embarrassing, because everything I did my mother had something to bitch about, and it would make me mess up in my driving. All around people in my school. In front of one of my most competitive friends, James, who ended up also driving.

A couple of weeks ago I got a flyer from the school saying I needed to attend a meeting on a class I would be taking next year. At the top of the letter it said "Hornet Technologies." My first reaction was that they had signed me up for the business that uses students to build computers and what not. Then, I decided it must have something to do with the new digital class they had this year, and I thought that maybe it was a branch of the Hornet Technologies. So, without an question I went.

I was wrong.

It turned out to be that class where you make computers. I don't ever remember signing up for that class, but maybe someone recommended me and just didn't tell me, or my guidance guidance just went too far off my comment of "I like computers." Not that I don't want to take that class eventually; it has information that would be extremely valuable to that high-tech job I want when I'm older. But, I'm not sure if I'm qualified to be in the class. He made it clear that we would be learning while we were working, but the learning he explained seemed to be shorter than I would really need. Hell, he teaches a beginners class to computers at the high school, and I am taking that this year, because it goes over on how to put a computer together.

Another bad thing: everyone else that was there for the meeting has taken some sort of class with him before. I have not. I was embarrassed again to say that I didn't know how I ended up in the class. Thank god I didn't dwell on it.

I felt so out of place. Surrounded by people who were supposed to be there more than me. By the end I felt into the idea of taking it next year that I was. Even though I'd have to find a way to make my schedule blend with the 2 periods/2 credits (that is how long the class lasts: 2 periods), I was sort of willing to do it. But then. There's always a "but then." He said that we would have to fill out an application. That's allright. But then he started talking about writing some sort of 3 paragraph thing, that we would know what he was talking about if we took his class before. And like I've said, I never have.

So that leaves me kinds screwed.

Even though I sat through an hour of his talking, it seemed to go right through me, mainly because I was thinking more of "Did they get me mixed up with someone else?" and scanning everything he said for the words "You do not need to be familiar with how to put a computer together to take this class." I never heard those, though. I only heard that they would be offering training. Which could easily mean, "We're just going over a few things to refresh your memory." Damnit. I am thinking and worrying too much.

Alan had his senior pictures taken today. Even though he didn't want to, he was sweet enough to do it anyway. Even though his mom did make him, it was still sweet of him. He'll probably do his "evil," look for the picture. Actually, I know he will, he always does, and he told me he would. I wish he would have smiled, though. He looks so good when he smiles. But he never believes me. Maybe when he sends me one of the pictures I'll put a copy of it up here. Yeah. He'll love that.

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I got my first site bashing guestbook post. They left an e-mail address and a web page address. I figured those might have been someone else's, since it would be completely stupid to do such a thing. After e-mailing the address, I found out it went deeper and was more complicated than just someone passing by my web site. The poor owner of fadingslowly.com has been harassed by this person. Which she does not deserve.

I should have all my files uploaded to crystalic.com by tomorrow. Hopefully. Since the problem with the directories is finally fixed, it shouldn't take long. By the way, Jessica just put the domain's new web page up. Go and see it.

Alan's monitor isn't broken. Nope. His mother board is messed up. Which is worse. I wish it was just his monitor. It bothers him so much to have something wrong with his computer, his pride and joy. It bothering him bothers me.

My hands hurt. Good thing today was a boring day. I'm not up for writing a 6 page entry.

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I had a pretty crappy day. I felt horrible since I woke up, with a pain in my neck so bad, my nose was stuffed up, and my stomach was hurting.

I talked to Alan on the phone for 2 hours. It's going to be my ass when the phone bill comes in. Most of our conversation was light, except when we talked about wanting to have "experiences" with other people. Since me and Alan have only really been with each other, and no one else, and since we are planning on getting married... I guess that would lead someone to think/feel they were missing out on the experiences of other people. I personally don't feel that. If I had the urge to be with other people, or the longing to have that, I wouldn't be in a relationship such as me and Alan's. If you want something, eventually, if given the change, you'll take it. I would get it out of my system.

Alan said he would be interested in experiencing other people.

Not that he's breaking up with me, not that he's cheating on me, nothing like that. And it's nothing like I think he would break up with me, or I think that he would cheat on me. I trust him. But it's a not blind trust. Though I believe what he says, I can't help but be aware that if he has that want, and was faced with a irresistible possibility of experiencing someone else, he would "have no choice." That was the bulk of the conversation. And that is what I think. I know he respects me, loves me, and, I hope, that would be enough to keep him away from that. But if conditions are right... I think his want/need would overpower that.

During the phone conversation, he acted like all I cared about was sex in the relationship. I really don't remember how that tied in, but when he said that, I realized he wasn't understanding what I meant. How I feel about it. It bothers me that he even has the urge, since I don't. That's it. It bothers me when I'm supposed to feel the same emotion with someone, and then it ends up to the the slightest bit different. That it's not an exact mirror of my own. That is what got to me. It's what always gets to me. And also, I feel now like I'm on limited time. That somehow someway it will happen. Someday.

I'm probably shamelessly old fashioned. But I really don't care. My differences are up if there is even a slight chance of me being hurt again.

I couldn't UL my stuff to crystalic.com today. I wasn't feeling well. And I couldn't bring myself to do the files. They told me to put all my files into a .zip, but I realized that won't work due to the way I keep my files. So it's back to ULing one at a time.

Alan's monitor broke today. Poor baby. He had bought it from a computer show while I was down there, and he was pissed like hell to find it not working. He said it would take around 2 weeks to get a monitor. So until then, he only as limited time on his laptop. Poor baby. His computer is his life

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I broke Alan's necklace yesterday. I didn't mean to. It was during the storm, and I was already spooked by that. I can't remember the last time a storm scared me like that. And I thought I saw something on my shoulder, and I swatted at it. And the charm went flying off with it.

I've told Alan. He doesn't act like it's that bid of a deal; that he'll buy me another one. But I don't want another one. I've always been notorious for having things for sentimental value, and this is no different. I've thought of replacing the chain with one just almost like it, but I can't. I can't use the that charm on a different chain.

And Alan telling me not to worry, because he knew I would break it eventually, because I'm clumsy, doesn't help. He's trying to make me laugh. But it just bothers me more.

I got everything figured out today, and tomorrow, or the day after that, I'll be moving to the new domain crystalic.com. Just thinking of hauling my stuff over makes me cringe. It feels like it actually weights 2 times my weight, and I actually have to physically carry it over hills and rocks. I hate uploading. Especially, since as far as I know, I have to UL the files one at a time. And I have soo many files.